What Really Matters In Relationships

Marital Lesson #2

I learned that no matter how “I preferred” he do things, hubby is entitled and will do things the way he chooses to.

Being brutally honest with yourself about your good, your bad, and your ugly personality traits will promote inner growth and will help to foster healthier relationships. Umpteen years ago, I was unaware that I was cursed with the classic “Type A” personality.

Rigidly organized, highly status-conscious, impatient, proactive, wanting other people to get to the point and obsessed with time management.  A classic  high achieving workaholic, multi-tasking nut who hated delays and ambivalence

I always knew (felt)  that there was a “correct” and “more “efficient” way to do everything.  Sheets and towels “should” be folded neatly and stacked orderly in the linen closet. If they are folded the “right” way, more can fit in the closet.  Besides they look pretty like they door in the store when they’re folded my way “correctly.”

This way of thinking carried into everything I did and I mean everything.  Crazy right!!  Poor hubby.  Since his momma didn’t show him the proper what to do everything, it was my responsibility to school him on life101

Fortunately, I don’t recall ever telling him that his momma taught him wrong and mine taught me right.  I may have thought it, but don’t think I said it.  Nut case right!!  I know. Lol!

Starting out I just went about correcting and showing him how to do everything.  Eventually that mess got old and the calm, reserved loving man of mine, would occasionally go off.   Lol!  Back then, the immature little fire cracker that I was, defended my ground and was ready to go a few rounds in the ring at the drop of a hat. OMG!  I was stupid!  For real.

Most often though, hubby would just look at me with a blank expression.  What I didn’t know then was he thoughts…

Girlfriend, I don’t wanna hear that ish!  Blah..blah… Shut up!  I’m gonna do what I wanna do, when I choose to do it, and how I wanna do it.  I don’t care what you say!

After my “instructions” or ranting, he’d go about doing whatever, the way he decided was best.  At 21, that would trip me out and mess with my head.  My blood pressure should have been high back then.

Oh and let’s not talk about time management.  That also would put me in a tizzy.  He was and still is all laid bad and chill about getting anywhere, except for a fire.  Weddings, funerals, parties, and just about anyplace we arrived late.  All the way to the function my bone head would be swaying with attitude.  Why?  Because we were late and the world was going to stop evolving.  Ha!!

With all the uptightness, for sure I was headed to an early grave.

I observed others outside our marriage handle things differently.  When I complained to my girlfriends, they told me that they didn’t “trip” over the small stuff because it wasn’t worth it and, a man is gonna do what he wants to do… period.

I wasn’t his momma and had no right telling him what, when, and how to do anything. A few “Ah-Ha” moments snapped me to reality and eventually I leaned to cope.

While many of the Type A personality characteristics are very much embedded in me, I’ve learned better coping skills and my perspective on life has greatly changed.

I don’t think we can change personality, but I am convinced that being aware of attitude can lead to behavior modification.

I saw the need to change.  Once that occurred, I began this slow process of responding differently.  It hasn’t been easy.  Occasionally, the impulse to “correct” hits me but my response is very different.

I ask myself,

Does it really matter how he washes the dishes, folds, the towels, or hangs his clothes in his closet?

The answer is heck no!!  That’s dumb crap!  He’s a grown ass man.  Ladies! Weren’t born to control men; that’s ridiculous.  Some of it is learned behavior but, if willing, can be unlearned.

Often couples argue over pointless stuff.

What really matters is that the love, mutual respect, and commitment is present in every day, hour, and minute of the marriage.

Have a fabulous day!