No Thank You to Resolutions in 2013

01 Jan 2013 Leave a Comment

by lexa in Family Living, Inspiration Tags: , , ,

“To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”

-Buddha

There was a time when I was obliged to compile an annual NYRL (New Year’s Resolution List).  Much of the list was self-indulging and included one tangible item after another, dreamy vacations, and much-needed behavior and attitude changes that never included a realistic plan of action.  Pretty much the same list reappeared annually.

Over the years, sudden deaths, tragedies, and other life altering events have ended the insignificant ritual for me.

Instead my focus  now resides on what really matters.

  • Family:  The mere fact that I have healthy relationships with my extended family is a blessing.  The core foundation of the family structure is shattered in many family units.  Massive amounts of future generations  will not experience the benefit of knowing family history or simply  bonding with family.My 79 year-old mother is alive and well.  My children are alive and healthy.  I have a wonderful husband who generously loves, respects, and provides for our family.  My big brother is a survivor of what most would succumb to; he has an awesome sense of humor and a kind heart.  My inspiring big sister who fearlessly hikes solo all around the world.   Seven of my aunts and uncles (age 70 and older) continue to thrive and bring joy and laughter to my life; we continue to share holiday dinners.  My relationship with many of my cousins resemble that of loving siblings.
  • Health and well-being:  Today I have good health for which I am thankful.  I wake up every morning because of God’s generosity with the ability to squint at the bright ray of sunlight that beams through my bedroom window.  The gift of health grants me a capacity for independence.  Bathing, walking, exercising, playing with my children, driving, and feeding myself are simple tasks that are often taken for granted. My focus is to continue to keep up a healthy lifestyle and to share this knowledge with others.
  • A home:  Not just a home, but also a safe, warm, loving quarter that I can retreat to each day.  No worries about where my next meal will come from or memories and fear of bullets smoldering holes in my walls.   Just a quiet peaceful place where I can recharge and nurture my family.  A home that remains in tact after several devastating storms ripped through our state. Other families are not so lucky.
  • A Career: While the unemployment rate has slowly declined, many are still unable to provide for their family.  I am thankful for a meaningful and rewarding career that empowers me to help others who are in need.  Is my job perfect?  No, but no job is.  As with everything in life, it is the attitude that we bring to the table that determines the outcome.

As I write this post, I am sitting with my family by the fireplace enjoying the blazing heat.  Echoing crackling and popping noises rip loudly from the fireplace and drowns out the voice of Giselle in the movie, Enchantment.   We anticipate the countdown to 2013.  These moments are special.  There is no guarantee that we will live to see December 31, 2013. Faith says that we will, but the reality is that we don’t know this for sure.

A part of me is still saddened by the recent and senseless murders of those babies in Connecticut.  The tragedy is yet another wake up call to live a purposely filled life.

Eliminating and minimizing the trivial, meaningless and shallow aspects of our lives is a huge step to opening the door to living a peaceful, spiritual, and consequential life.

In 2013, make a choice to disengage from the senseless drama and negative energy from family, friends, or colleagues.  Walk away from it and re-direct your energy to give a warm smile to a sad face, buy a cup of coffee to the person in line behind you at WaWa or an open ear to someone desperately needing to talk.

While I have a few personal and professional goals, overall my purpose for the New Year is to simplify my life and to be a better person; to give more, to love more, and to be a little kinder and patient, especially when the situation dictates other.

My wish for you all is that your New Year is safe, peaceful, healthy, prosperous, and BLESSED!

 

I run because it’s so symbolic of life

07 Oct 2012 3 Comments

by lexa in Family Living, Fitness, Inspiration Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

“I run because it’s so symbolic of life. You have to drive yourself to overcome the obstacles. You might feel that you can’t. But then you find your inner strength, and realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”
–Arthur Blank

Today’s run…

7.51 Miles
1:12:22
9.37 Minute/Miles (Average)
5:54 Minute/Miles (Max)
780 Calories burned

Somewhere around mile five (5) or so, the rain continues; it has not stopped.  My ear buds are wet and continue to fall out of my ears.  Jill (Scott) bellows, “I’m magnificent” and I agree.  I feel free.  I’m wet but it doesn’t matter.  I don’t care.  I don’t care that my natural hair is drenched, I don’t care that my new sneaks are wet, and I certainly don’t give a damn that it’s 50 some degrees outside.  My heart beats at a steady velocity.

Closing my eyes, while moving forward I consume a huge batch of cool damp, yet refreshing air.  My lungs and my body approve.  Another favorite song blares in my ear.  Oh, this feels so good! I am so happy that I could literally shed tears of joy.  It is so hard to explain.  I am engrossed in an intoxicating moment.  Nothing matters.  Physically I feel boundless.  Spiritually I am blessed.  I cannot think of a single reason to complain.  The drama of an earlier week is miles behind me.

The previous week had been one of extreme highs and lows —all relative to parenting.

Committed and active parents recognize crucial and defining moments; times when the most painful and the most difficult decisions are made, all for the benefit of our children.

It is easier to “talk-the-talk” than it is to “walk-the-walk.  A critical juncture presented itself.  Hubby and I discussed the issue and made an extremely difficult but necessary parental decision.   Carrying out the decision took me to an ultimate low place where I never envisioned for myself.  Afterwards, I meditated. I prayed.

As parents, we would like to believe that 18+ years of sacrifice, good teaching, and committed parenting will result in young adults who make smart choices.  Not true. Our children stumble and make bad choices, as we once (and sometimes still do) did. Nevertheless, we are there for them and continue to guide and to support them.

However, there are moments when tough love is the best and only medicine to administer.  Tough love is painful for both parents and our children–We both learn from this experience.  This I know.

That same week, I experienced a supreme high.  My nine-year –old, who is the fastest player on his Pee Wee football team, scored his first official touchdown.  The touchdown came as a result of his intercepting an offensive pass.

Once I realized that he had possession of the ball, I was content.  I knew that no one could catch him.  He sprinted 30-40 yards hugging the football as if the ball was his Sony DSI game and a playmate was trying to steal it.  Although he is outrageously fast, the coaches rarely give him the ball to carry (that’s another story), but he was ready for the opportunity and convincingly delivered.

I don’t know which was best… the joy on my son’s face as he bumped chests of a teammate in the end one or my hubby’s elation as he literally jumped, screamed, and punched the air in excitement.   His team won the game, which made the touchdown all the better.

Runners experience similar highs and lows.  Highs—when we are healthy, strong, and meet or exceed our personal goals; Lows—when we’re injured, wounded, experience setbacks, or simply have bad days,

“…but then you find your inner strength, and realize you’re capable of so much more than you thought.”

The sentiment is true.  Regardless if you’re running, trying to make it through a tough day with the family, dealing with a challenging week at work or experiencing a problem in another area of your life, seek out your inner strength because you are capable of getting through the difficult time. This you must believe.

Fathers…thank you for all that you do

17 Jun 2012 4 Comments

by lexa in Family Living, Inspiration Tags: , , , ,

Happy Father’s Day!

If my father were alive to celebrate this Father’s Day, he would be 100 years old. “Daddy” is what I called him.

Me & daddy. I think I was around 15 yrs. old.

Axel was 20 years senior my mother. The stories about daddy’s young years still resonate within me. “Your daddy was something else!” “Axel did this, he did that…..” All events that took place before I was born.

Typically, my perception of fatherhood developed at home, where I watched everything daddy did. I listened to everything that he said, as well as, observing his interactions with my mother.

I had daddy for 17 years; he died of colon cancer just before Thanksgiving my senior year of high school. Some would say 17 long years. I say 17 short years. It is all a matter of perspective. The years are short for me because I did not have the opportunity to know him as an adult. I only knew him as a child. Adult relationships differ with parents.  When children become adults, some parents are able to open up giving way to relationship with greater depth and understanding.

I know I should be grateful, because some people don’t get to spend 17 years with their father or worse, don’t know their father.  Yes, I am grateful for the times we shared,  but I cannot deny my feelings and wish there was more time.

He was a man of little words, but his actions spoke volumes. Daddy’s actions taught me lessons about fatherhood. Regardless of your education and economic status, if you work hard and don’t stop trying, you CAN provide a good life for your family.

Six days a week and at least 50 weeks a year, he got up at 4:00 a.m. to ready himself for work, which included cooking two poached eggs, several slices of bacon, and toast. Almost every morning I woke to the smell of bacon and could count on two or three slices set aside for me.

The absence of a high school diploma did not prevent him from taking care of his family.

He worked in a factory that manufactured plastics. Factory work is grueling. Imagine yourself surrounded by oversized, motorized, screeching, grinding, and heat-producing machines all day. No windows or air conditioning. Just blazing heat and noise every day all day; that’s what daddy did.

 He never complained about his job.

We lived in a modest three bedroom rancher on five acres of land. I grew up never wanting for anything tangible.  I had everything that I needed and more; plenty of food, a closet full of clothing, heat, hot running water, and a pretty bed to sleep in.

Daddy brought home the paycheck, and mom took care of it.  Her care for the paycheck is another post, but not today.

Daddy literally worked from sun up to sun down. Wearily each day he returned home from work. The rhythm was the same every day.

I hear daddy’s car pulling up in the driveway. Go in the closest and get his slippers. Put the black leather like slippers in front of his favorite high back armed chair. Greet him at the kitchen door with a big old kiss. Wait for him to sit down and remove his worn and dirty shoes, put them in the hall closet and sit back down. Sit on his lap and rub his silver, thinning, naturally slick and frizz free hair. Watch him smile. Today this makes me smile. Daddy I miss you! I wish that you could see your little girl today. I’ve grown up and I’m doing well. You’d love your son-in-law, he’s a hardworking man and great father—just like you!

As I said, I had everything that I needed and more. I only longed for more family time with him. Today I understand that daddy sacrificed time with me and the family, so that our family could live in comfort and without worry. The idea of fatherhood came natural to him. He probably did not realize that his actions taught me about the qualities that I should look for in a husband and in a father.

Ironically, my husband shares similar qualities as daddy. Tremendously hard-working and committed to providing for his family. He has leaned the importance of balancing work and family time, so we have enormous fun together. Although unspoken, like daddy, he doesn’t want his family to want for anything; always going above and beyond to provide for his wife and his two children.

Hubby & our daughter (2010)

“Big Daddy Cain” as I like to call him, is an outstanding role model for his children in the true essence of fatherhood and manhood. Hopefully they will take note and appreciate his qualities; I do!

Hubby and our son (summer 2011)

So, to all the dads who are appropriately handling their business of fatherhood AND to all the men who are filling someone else daddy’s shoes, Happy Father Day and thank you for all that you do!

Do not enter unless you are brown

17 Feb 2012 3 Comments

by lexa in Family Living Tags: , , , , , , , ,

When it comes to educating children, I am a firm believer that the opportunity to learn takes place more often in the absence of a formal curriculum.

It is the everyday life experiences that present these opportunities for parents to teach children good values and to develop them to become moral, socially conscious and responsible adults.

My husband and I are open-minded and enjoy relationships with a diverse and unique group of friends.  Race and ethnicity is never a criterion for friendships.

So imagine our surprise when one of two signs on our son’s door read, “Do not enter unless you are Tailor! or brown and knock!”

Unbeknownst to us, before leaving for school, he’d taped the signs on his bedroom door.  No one else in the house has a do not enter signs on their door.

We were okay with the first sign, but it was the second sign we took issue with. Not wanting to jump to conclusions, we decided to get clarification from him after school.

When I asked our son about the sign referring to “brown” people, he did not speak.  I made sure to ask in a non-confrontational or threatening way because I really wanted to determine exactly what he was thinking when he wrote the sign.  The moment I questioned him, I think he sensed something wasn’t right about his actions.

I reassured him that it was okay to speak his mind.  So he did.

“Mom, I’ve only had brown people in my room.  I’ve never had anyone white in my room.”

That was a wow for me!  I thought about it and told him that wasn’t true and reminded him of another friend that visits occasionally.  He said, “Oh yeah!  I forgot about him.”  Our conversation continued as I questioned him about how he’d feel if he went to a friend’s house and the friend had a sign posted on their door that stated, “Do not enter unless you are white.”  He commented that he would be angry.  I asked why and said that it wouldn’t be nice or fair.  I talked to him about the importance of treating people the way that he wants others to treat him.

The conversation continued into a talk about treating everyone the same, regardless of their skin color, religion, etc…

My son’s intentions were not malice in writing the sign.  It was an innocent act based on his perceptions and realities that occur on a daily basis around him.  With the exception of the summer and holidays, most of the school aged visitors to his room, look like him; they are brown and are usually family members.

When situations like this occur, it is critical that we avoid laughing it off with the notion that kids will be kids.  It’s vital that we teach our children a better way to think and to view others.  Ignoring these types of incidents gradually and informally teach our children to develop racists and bigotry attitudes toward others.  It may seem cute when they are young (which I don’t think it is), but when we’re confronted by adults with negative, discriminatory, and racists attitudes most are appalled and highly offended.

It’s scary with our kids, because when they’re younger, we control their environment and what they are exposed to.  However, once they reach high school and sometimes before, their friends often have a greater influence over them their own parents the peer pressure can be intense.  Once can deny this if they want, but it is true.

How do we counteract this tragic trend?  I say by talking to our children every day and trying not to judge or react to their shocking comments, questions or opinions.  That’s not always easy, but if we stay conscious of this fact, it can help.

Our son knows that both mom and dad question him every single day about school.  Sometimes his response is, “fine.”  But he can expect us to probe more into his day.  In turn, he asks about our work day.  I try to remember what I expect of him and give details about my day… even when I really want to say, “Fine.”

My last thought on this post is that his action is another excellent reminder that the unspoken, our actions, are even more powerful than what we say… Stay conscious!

Related reads

http://loveisntenough.com/

http://teens.lovetoknow.com/Facts_on_Peer_Pressure

http://life.familyeducation.com/diversity/parenting/34461.html

Quitting is not an option

14 Feb 2012 2 Comments

by lexa in Family Living, Inspiration Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Emphatically blinking to hold back the tears, her aged but youthful eyes spoke for her. In a moment though, her glossed over and molten eyes released the flow of tears that stained her flawless almond colored skin.

Three years senior my daughter, this young woman is experiencing the harsh realities of life. Life as a single mother of a three-year old. Life as a daughter to a mother who has grown tired of mothering. Life as a role model for her younger sister, whose same mother has grown tired of mothering her too. Life as a divorced mother, who is uncertain about the future.

I listened attentively. She thanked me for sharing my story at the luncheon. Even better, she tells me that she had felt discouraged, but the speakers at the luncheon influenced her to believe that quitting is not an option. In spite of her situation, she attends college and is working hard to carve a better future for herself, her child and her baby sister. Her journey is one of challenge, but I’m convinced that she can overcome and continue to move forward. Quitting is not an option was the topic of today’s luncheon.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
 When the road you’ve trudging seems uphill,
 When the funds are low and the debts are high,
 And you want to smile,
but you have to sigh,
When your care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but don’t you quit.

Someone whom I admire and have a great deal of respect for asked me to speak to a wonderful group of young ladies today. Young ladies that have been erroneously written off as failures, although I disagree! They are smart, creative, witty, strong-willed, determined, and rebellious but they are genuinely trying to see their way through dim clouds to a brighter future. They simply need nurturing, support, guidance, positive influences from patient women and adults who won’t quit on them.

Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out;
Don’t give up though the pace seems slow,
You may succeed with another blow.

Earlier in the day I was also inspired and emotionally struck by a conversation that I had with an extraordinary recent college graduate. Why extraordinary? For nearly four years, he fought, what seemed like an endless battle that most adults would have given up on.

As a young child, he came to the U.S. (undocumented) with his mother. He attended the public school system. He was raised by a single mother of two boys who earned modest wages. Most challenging? Peer pressure, the absence of his father, and the unsettling and dangerous community where he lived.

In spite of the obstacles and roadblocks, he sustained and ultimately acquired citizenship and graduated college. During college continued to work through obstacles, however he participated in many social and political groups and helped to raise $1,000,000 for his University! I am so proud of him. He accomplished what many said was impossible. Quitting was not an option for him.

Success is failure turned inside out.
 The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
 And you never can tell how close you are,
 It may be near when is seems so far;
 So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit,
 It’s when things seem worse,
that you must not quick.

Be inspired and do encourage others. Regardless of what ever it is that you’re moving toward, remember that quitting is not an option!

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Random momology

02 Feb 2012 8 Comments

by lexa in Family Living, Healthy Eating Tags: , , , , , ,

This post is in good spirits; no complaints here!  I felt the need to share some of my random thoughts today.

Every single week I go about the business of being super mom.  No, I’m not trying in any way shape or form trying to be super mom, nor do I even like the term.   Apparently, it just comes off that way… or at least that’s what I suspect my family might be thinking.  Shame on them!  Maybe shame on me too!  Lol!

Predictably, Friday nights are dedicated to laundry.  Why?  Because I don’t want to deal with dirty clothes, etc… on my days off.  If I get it done by Friday bedtime (whatever time I collapse), then I’m set until the following week.

My family has the luxury, and that’s exactly what it is… a luxury of having nutritious, delectable, and balanced meals at least five to six days per week.  And… it’s usually on the table by 5ish!   No junk food!   No prefab unidentifiable dish from a box, but real homemade meals.  Did I mention that I work full-time outside of the home?  Just checking—sometimes I have to remind my family of this, fact.

Careful planning enables me to get more, but not everything, done than time really permits.  Sometimes I feel as though I really am squeezing blood from an onion.  Rarely do we run out of necessities such as bread, cereal, etc…   I am however, guilty of forgetting to pay the utility bills.   You know, gas and electric.  The big stuff that are difficult to live without.  I am dead serious.   As the official mail “sorter” if I don’t sort the mail, most of it it doesn’t get sorted, and if it doesn’t get sorted… well, you know the story. The utilities won’t get paid!  It’s absolutely absurd.  Embarrassing, but true.  There have been a few occasions where I happened to stumble on a disconnection notice… not due to lack of funds… but lack of time!  Yeah, I know I’m working on electronic bill pay for everything. I’m not quite comfortable with automatic and electronic deductions from my bank account, but I’m strongly considering the option.

Enough babbling!

Last Sunday, I decided to put ME first!

Normally, it’s the opposite.  I ate first.  No one in my home is interested in eating organic steel cut oats, with blueberries, flax-seed, wheat germ, and bee pollen, so I ate first and worked on breakfast later.  I did everything that I wanted to do first.  I happily and defiantly put everything that needed to be done off.  I even completed a six-mile run through the neighborhood.  I returned home at 5 p.m.   The same time that dinner is usually on the table.  I started dinner around 5:30 p.m.  Everyone was chillin and lying around like they didn’t have a care in the world, so I just took my sweet old-time.  Dinner ended up being served a little after 7 p.m. and while no one complained, they got to the table quicker than usual!  I like!

“Mom, you need 25/8,” were my daughter’s comments to me last night.  Referencing to Mary J. Blige’s new song, she recognizes that I’m a busy working mom.  Sidebar:  not much of an offer to ease the burden, but if you’re living with a young adult, you know exactly what I’m talking about.  (Chuckle)

While Mary needs 25/8 to love her man, I need 25/8  to handle my business.

Since I can’t get 25/8, I’ll simply fine-tune my priorities again.

On Sunday, putting me first and getting through my task list, including working out prevented self –inflicted anxiety and resentment.   Why self-inflicted?  Because I set goals for myself and when I don’t accomplish those goals, I tend to get frustrated. I don’t think anyone in the household consciously cares, they just subconsciously reap the benefits. No judgement; just an oberservation.

To make things easier at home, the past umpteen years, I’ve made major changes to my home/family routine.   Still- old habits die-hard!  Part of my problem, oops!  I mean “challenge” (I prefer to view so-called problems as challenges) is that I am a perfectionist.   I strive for it; I don’t try to be it.  I just want things done right not half-ass.

Delegating is an option, but I still want it done right.  Is that so bad?  Who defines what right is? Me?  Hmm… is that part of the issue?   Just thinking on paper…..

Now then, soon, I will be checking into a plush hotel for a “me” day and I’m going to do whatever I want to do; most likely nothing other than read or write.   In error, I told my hubby my plan, he said, “we” should do that.  “We?”  Who said anything about “we?”  This isn’t a “I’m going to entertain you day!”  It’s an “I’m going to entertain myself day.”  OMG!  Literally ROTFL!  (Rolling on the floor laughing)   Is that hilarious or what?  Of course I love my hubby and enjoy time with him, but sometimes we girls need time alone.  Since my home is always occupied, I will find a vacancy elsewhere.  The change in scenery will be good,  much-needed, and will perfectly recharge my battery.   Oh boy!  I can’t wait! Lol!

 

A promising future

11 Jan 2012 4 Comments

by lexa in Family Living Tags: , , , , , , , ,

“…among his many accomplishments… made the Dean’s List in college every year… graduated Suma Cum Laude… a Master’s Degree in  Business Administration… served as graduate assistant for the MBA Program…”

The description signifies success and a promising future.  Sadly the words are taken from the obituary from a young man who was gunned down on New Year’s Day 2012. He would not live to see his 31st birthday.  I did not know the young man, but my heart aches for his surviving family members, especially his mother and father.  I cannot even begin to imagine the grief and sorrow felt by his parents.

Parents are not supposed to bury their children, but this daunting task is reoccurring more often than not.

When the story broke New Year’s Day, I cringed.  I thought,

“He made it through his teen years.  He made it through college.  He was smart.  He graduated with honors. What happened?  How do I prevent my son from falling victim to these heinous crimes?”

In my mind, he’d made it! He made it through the “high risk” and “troubled” teen years.  The local newspaper also reported that he was an Entrepreneur and was planning the opening of a new store. Could his death been prevented?  I don’t know the circumstances.  I only hope and pray that his death does not go in vain and hope that somehow something positive can evolve from his death.

This story makes me want to hold my kids tighter, tell them that I love them even more, kiss them more every day and never let them out of my sight.  I know the latter is impossible, but the words sum up my feelings.

This story and others like this frighten me.  Why?  I have a young son.  He’s a minority and the statistics don’t look good.  However, I do know that through faith in God, prayer, good parenting, a structured environment, support from my village, a solid education, steady discipline, and lessons on how to make smart choices, can help to put him in the position to succeed.

So, you might ask, “What’s the point of this post?”    The death of this young man is a reminder that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. And when it comes to our children, we have to clinch and act on the concept of unconditional love.  The early and late teen years are tough; both for parents and for our children.  In spite of disappointments, upsets, and whatever else we may face, we have to continue to support and encourage.

As parents, we must remember our own missteps and shortfalls and understand that our children will too encounter their own mistakes.  We can only hope and pray that their mistakes are not life altering.  Meanwhile, we should remain supportive, encouraging, and continue to practice unconditional love.

Acceptance or change?

08 Dec 2011 Leave a Comment

by lexa in Family Living Tags: , , ,

“…A Psychologist told me that to change; I have to want to change.  Well I don’t want to change, and I’m going to stay just the way I am!”

Were the adamant words recently spoken by my mom. For seven years, I’ve lived with this mindset of hers and, although we’ve come to somewhat of an understanding, every now and then we have our moments.

On Thanksgiving Day, mom stepped, what I refer to as, out of her lane.  Mom didn’t like the way her niece (my cousin) had styled her 12-year old daughter’s hair and felt compelled to tell her niece so.  She delivered an awfully harsh and cruel opinion that was unsolicited and inappropriate.

I politely reminded mom that if she didn’t have anything nice to say, to say nothing at all.  Mom feels as though if she sees something that’s “not right” it is her duty to comment.  As tough as my response may sound, I have continually asked her, who deemed her judge and jury?   She dislikes my response, but cannot understand how her comments adversely affect others.

She has an abrasive and strong personality that can strike you in the jaw like a stiff upper cut.  I know how to weave and bob and respond to her blows, but not everyone can say that.

Mom knows most of my friends, and for the most part, is pretty cool with them.  Thankfully, they’ve come to know and love “Grand-mom Dynamite,” as she is affectionately called.

The recent passing of my mother-in-law and hubby’s wonderful relationship with his mom got me to thinking about me and mine.  When are we going to click? Will we ever mesh?  It’s not like I’m not trying.  Lol!!   We disagree on everything and I mean everything.

Although there’s no animosity, our daily conversations are limited to the pleasantries of “Good Morning,” “Good Afternoon,” “Good Night,” “How was your day?” “Dinner is ready,” and a few other light exchanges. I would like more from our relationship, but perhaps this is as good as it gets.

She already said that she’s not changing, so I guess the ball’s in my court.  To be fair and to bridge the gap, I’ve looked within myself to figure out where I can make change.  I have and continue to work on my patience. Her childhood was difficult and I try to be mindful of that.  I’ve forgiven her for past actions and for whatever the future holds.

I think I am at peace with what we have, but a small piece of me still wishes it could be better. Who knows, maybe our relationship will change…maybe it will stay the same… maybe it will get better.

Our present relationship is certainly an improvement over our past relationship, so I’m trying to preserve what we have.  The deficiencies in my relationship with my mom is certainly compensated in my relationship with my children and for that I am thankful.

A visit from the tooth fairy

07 Jul 2011 2 Comments

by lexa in Family Living Tags: , , , , ,

 

Recently my eight year old was visited by the tooth fairy.  In exchange for his tooth; he received $5.00.

The next morning our son mentioned the tooth fairy’s visit.  “What am I supposed to do with $5.00?  I can’t buy anything with $5.00” he commented to his dad. He spoke earnestly and respectfully. He then
took the $5.00 bill and placed it on the night stand in our bedroom.

When my son came down stairs for breakfast, I asked him how much money should the tooth fairy have left.  ”$20.00!!” was his reply.

At the risks of sounding like my mother, “when I was growing
up, I would have been lucky to get $.50!”  “These kids today are so darn ungrateful… blah… blah.. blah…”   As a kid, I probably would have gotten popped in the mouth for such honesty.  However, I’ve since learned to recognize these moments as learning opportunities for me and my children and not opportunities to berate them.

Although the thought of a tooth fairy leaving $20 in our home is hysterical and unrealistic, I managed to contain my laughter until later.

Since time did not permit for any in-depth conversation that morning, I reserved a discussion for later that afternoon.

After school I asked my son about the $5.00.  He recounted a completely different story, in his favor or course, from the one that my husband told.  He’s a smart kid and realized the impact of
his actions. Before I could respond to his version of the story he says the following:

“Mom, I realize that I could
use the $5.00 to buy some orange tic tacs. The last time I was at the store, the lady (cashier) told me that next time I could buy them for $2.  I changed my mind, tell dad that I want my$5.00 back. “

My instincts told me that he’d be back looking for the money, so before I left the house that morning, I moved the money.  When my son came home in the afternoon, he immediately went to get the money, but it was gone.  I’m so glad!  Lol!

I learned a few things from this incident.

  1. The tooth fairy is a wakeup call for me to better
    teach my son about the value of a dollar.
  2. A visit to Five Below or the dollar store with
    my son will show him how much he really can buy with $5.00.
  3. My son initially turned down the $5 because he
    had a specific toy that he wanted to buy. He knew the toy costs more than $5, so he was disappointed that he still didn’t have enough money to buy it.  He’s
    still learning about saving money to buy what he wants.
  4. To continue to strive to teach my son about
    gratitude and that giving is far more rewarding than receiving.
  5. As a parent, I need to continue to laugh and to see
    humor in the challenges of raising a child.

I’m not sure what will happen if the tooth fairy returns. If she returns, she’ll probably leave even less money.  Honestly, I thought $5 was too much money or am I just old fashion?  Can anyone out there enlighten me?  What is the going rate for the tooth fairy in 2011?

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