Health & Wellness by Lexa's Journal

My mission in life is to not merely survive, but to thrive: and do so with passion, compassion, humor, and style. – Maya Angelou

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An eternal optimist, always wearing a smile. Must haves: sunshine, fitness (jogging, weight training, & CrossFit), reading, good food, writing, music, and fun with family and friends.

  • A summer of firsts…

    Have you ever really wanted to do something but didn’t quite get to it?  Visit a new city, cut your hair, or maybe learn a new language? Perhaps the “it,” whatever it is collecting dust on your bucket or dream list? I’m there right with you.

    There is at least one item I am excited to note that is no longer on my bucket list! Haha!

    I have wanted to do this since I was 17 years old. I had the heart to do it at 17, but my employer and most property’s in the gaming/hospitality industry forbade employees from wearing one.

    The casino industry was very strict; the industry closely monitored and controlled employee’s appearance. I learned early to comply and respect the industry’s standards or expect termination.

    In 2002 I changed careers. But for a while I forgot that I wanted to do this…

    Probably for about a year now, the urge has repeatedly resurfaced. So this year on my 40 something birthday, I decided to do it.

    I got my nose pierced!! Yay! My brother, two cousins and my daughter provided moral support before and during the piercing.

    My first two questions for the technician were, “”How are you going to do it?” and “Is it going to hurt?”

    “I use a needle.” “Oh boy!!” screams my cousin Curtis. He is a 40+ year-old man who is not afraid to admit his fears.

    Okay so I birthed a child naturally without medication, and I realize the absurdity of fear of a two to three-second pinch. Lol!

    I sat through the process using the breathing techniques that I learned over 20 years ago in a birthing class.  Was it painful?  Not really.  A pinch that lasted less than five seconds.  Was the nose ring worth the time and the pinch?  Absolutely!  I love it! Of course the day after the piercing, my allergies badly flared up and I had to figure out how to blow my nose with a fresh piercing.  Ha-ha!

    There are people, like my mother, who will say, “You’re too old for that!”  That’s their hang up not mine.

    I will stay on the path of being true to myself, while enjoying as much of each day as humanly possible. The joy and laughter infuse my life with a sense of peace for which I am grateful.

  • Chance meeting or not?

    Chance meeting or not?

    I love traveling.  Meeting new folks, acquiring different perspectives about people, places, cultures, and simply learning about the unknowns. The opportunities feed my wish to learn.  The same manner that people share with me, I like to do the same.

    I am convinced and believe in destiny. The older I become, the more I understand that there is no such idea of chance.

    When I experience a calm mental state of being, my sense of awareness increases. I tend to hear and listen to my instinct and inner voice and avoid external distractions.  The state of being grants me the opportunity to interact with people and to encounter what is meant for me to experience.

    As I compose this on my iPoodle (Acer tablet), I am sitting in Orlando, Florida’s airport at Gate 31 waiting to board my plane back to New Jersey.

    I strike up a conversation with Laura, who looks to be around my age, sitting next to me.   One pleasantry after another we chat and before I knew it, my son, Tailor chimed in on our conversation. He told her about our puppy Alex.  Pulling out his DS, he showed Laura pictures of Alex.  His animated chatter raised her brow and put a huge warm smile on Laura’s face.

    “Your hair is beautiful!” Laura commented.   I smiled and thanked her.   She shared a picture of her new puppy, which was being held by a curly-haired, adorable little brown-skinned girl.  The adorable five-year old is her daughter, of whom she adopted.

    In less than 10 minutes into our conversation, Laura and I discovered that while we looked very different and live poles apart, we share a few commonalities.  Laura Caucasian with pretty blue eyes on her way to Cleveland… me… well you know… brown-skinned, brown-eyed, curly girl from New Jersey…  had several qualities in common.

    So what was the purpose of us sitting next to one another?   Laura has no experience in working with curly locks like her daughters.  She wanted to know how I style my hair and the type of products that I use.    I respect her so much for asking.

    To be frank with you, I am often disturbed when I see a child of color, whose parents are walking around with untamed locks.  I try not to judge but wonder in frustration why the adult is not maintaining the child’s hair.  Sometimes I assume that they haven’t taken the opportunity to seek out the answers. Assuming is wrong; I know.

    I am so impressed by Laura’s wish to seek out the best and healthiest solutions for her adorable bi-racial curly girl’s hair.  I graciously applaud her.

    So many woman of color seek out quick solutions and erroneously and prematurely slap the crack (chemical) on what they perceive to be unmanageable hair of very young girls.  Why?  Because it’s easier than the daily battle of pulling through course, tight, and resistant hair. Because they lack the knowledge of the proper hair care curly locks.   Because our daughters see “straight hair” on television, in magazines, and on cereal boxes and want to look like what they are misled to believe is “normal.” Others want their little girl to have the long braided pigtails with a dozen or so colorful dangling bows.

    Still Laura has chosen to find better and healthier solutions for her daughter.  I began to share my natural hair care knowledge with Laura.  We lost track of time and before we knew it, her flight was boarding so our chat was abruptly interrupted.  Time did not permit for me to give her the name of the products I use or the websites, etc…  So I gave her my email address and invited her to contact me to get the rest of the information.  I hope to hear from Laura; there is much for us to talk about.

    She was happy to connect with someone who may be able to help and I was equally pleased that along my travels that I could help someone.

    There is something innate within me that is greatly placated when I help others.   I don’t know what or why, it just does and it feels really good.

    I believe that divinity placed Laura and I in the airport together and our meeting was meant to be. Laura’s desire to seek specific knowledge has put her in a place to receive it. She will continue to gain the wisdom simply by way of quest. My life experiences have taught me this; I know.

    When we seek answers and knowledge, the process of “seeking” will draw the wisdom that we desire.

            “Use your life as a class.”
    -Oprah Winfrey

     

  • 8.5 in the rain

    My favorite kicks (Gel Asics)

    There is something uniquely special about running in the summer rain.  I left the house early Sunday afternoon with the intent of taking a short run.   I’m chuckling just thinking about it.  Why?  Because my short run turned into 8.51 miles.

    As I readied for my run, the sun shined.  Two steps out the front door and the rain was underway.  By the time I walked to the end of the drive way, the sky opened with tiny and fine rain drops.

    Since I’m thinking that my run will be short, under 5 miles, I’m not bothered by the rain and I am satisfied just being outside and running.

    The rain stopped about two miles into the run and I had mixed feelings about it.  The humidity returned and I could feel my body warming.  I passed a neighbor walking her dog.  “Awe, you got caught in the rain?!”

    “Actually, I kind of hope that the rain returns, it keeps me cool.”  She blankly stares at me like she misunderstood my comment.  Shortly afterwards, the sky opened up!  This time, big hard rain drops.  I was nowhere near home and I didn’t care.  I picked up my pace and happily sailed into my zone.

    My sweat is replaced by nature’s H2O and the feeling is exhilarating. I’m happy.  I’m laughing, and I’m going to run until I feel like stopping.  I hadn’t run in a week and I was starting to get fidgety.  This run would fix that.

    Cars pass me.  I know that they think that  I’m nuts, but I don’t give a hoot. My favorite play list is blaring and I am in a jovial place. Occasionally snapping my fingers and singing along… yup!  All while I’m jogging roadside.

    By the time I return home and schlep into the garage, every piece of me is soaking wet! My twisted hair is drenched.  My sneaks squeak.  Water is dripping from my shirts and shorts.  My daughter asks, “How was your run?”  “I had a blast!”   She laughs and so do I.

    Everyone should have a happy place; a metaphoric or physical space that brings a sense of peace– A place where exterior forces cannot penetrate the calm  internal state of being.   Worry free.  Care free. Simply free to be. Running is that place for me.

    Quick thought provoking reads – http://zentips.org

  • I was afraid but I did it anyway…

    I can swim, but I don’t like deep waters.  To be more specific I don’t like being submerged in water where my feet can’t touch the bottom surface.  The fear is a mental block that I’m working through.

    While vacationing in Cancun, Mexico, hubby was fixated on giving our son the opportunity to swim with Dolphins.  We asked him if he wanted to do so and without hesitation, he said, “Yeah!  I wanna swim with the Dolphins!”  I was excited that the two of them would swim together and I would get to take tons of pictures.

    We visited the activity desk to schedule a date and time.  “How many?” the agent asked.  Simultaneous responses…  Me:  “2”  Hubby: “3”

    “You have enough credits to include all three of you!”  Hubby says, “Okay great!”  I think, “Sh**!  Somehow I’m getting out of this.”

    Fast forward three days later…  We’re still confirmed for three.

    An inner voice in one ear says, “run!”  Another voice whispers, “don’t be a chicken___!  Go for it!” With great apprehension, I listen to the voice that tells me to go for it.

    First we are suited with a life vest and wait.  I’m a little nervous at this point, but I’m sitting so my fingers tightly grip the bench.  I look around the waiting area hoping to connect with another set of nervous and fearful eyes.  I don’t find any. Maybe they’re faking it like me.

    “Group 3!”  Oh my goodness, that’s us!  There are eight in our group. After we’re instructed to douse our hands with hand sanitizer, we’re escorted down to the next level. Thankfully I’m distracted by my son.  He is so excited that he doesn’t hear some of the instructions, so I repeat them to him.

    We walk until we approach the dolphin tank.  Looks like an over-sized pool surrounded by concrete. We’re instructed to remove our footwear and place them in a box.  As we do this, we begin to receive instructions on the do’s and don’ts of interacting with the dolphins.

    “Can everyone swim?” the instructor asks.  Umm…  “Should I tell her that I can swim, but am terribly afraid of deep waters?”  “No… I am wearing a life vest. I think!”  I’m so darn nervous I cannot think straight.  “Hun, this is a life vest, right?”  He looks at me oddly like I just spoke in French.

    Our guide says, “You’ll be swimming into the center where the water is 15 feet.”  My thoughts are, “15 feet!!!!!  No!!!!  I don’t do deep waters!!”  I want to just scream, “get me the hell out of here!” but I don’t want to embarrass my family or make a spectacle of myself.  I tell myself, “don’t punk out girl, just listen and breathe!”

    In a single line, we step down into a wading area. The water is about five feet deep. Our feet touch the ground, I am happy.  We’re all situated and are instructed to swim toward the middle and place ourselves shoulder to shoulder in a straight line.

    I look to the right of me and my hubby and son are already out.  I step out and my heart is racing harder than I think it’s every done before.  Although I am wearing the vest and I can swim, I’m still fearful of drowning, but I try to remember the techniques to swim and slowly catch up to hubby and son.

    When I turn around and see how far I am away from the platform, I quietly panic.  “Scream for help, they will get you out!”  “I don’t want to die this way!”  I know my eyes are probably bulging like they’re about to pop out.  I am so scared!

    I look over and my son loves it and is full of excitement!  “Breathe girl breathe!  Come on!  You can do this!  Breathe!”  I calm myself down a bit by talking myself through it and by doing some serious breathing.

    Our group placed our hands out face down and the dolphin swam slowly just beneath our palms so that we could feel his smooth and slippery skin.  Touching the dolphin also helped to calm me.  After a few more minutes we swam back to the wading area.

    I’m thinking to myself, “okay great, we’re done, I’ m ready to get out.”  Lol!  Nope!  Not yet, a few more tricks!  “Is she kidding? I’m happy with what we just did.”

    Six of the eight in our group were brave enough to take a ride on the dolphin’s belly.  I was one of the two who passed on that opportunity. My son was the first to volunteer.  I was amazed at how he swam out to the middle of the tank and eagerly waited as the dolphin swam out to him.  As instructed he grabbed on to the dolphin’s fins and enjoyed the wild and speedy ride to the waiting area. Hubby then took his turn riding the dolphin’s belly.

    Our son riding the dolphin’s belly!
    Hubby’s ride on the dolphin’s belly.

    I did take part in two other cool tricks with my family. Since I didn’t do the belly swim, I was given the chance to do something else.

    Our guide instructed me to swim away from the wading area again.  I swam out a little ways by myself.  I felt more at ease this time.

    Out of nowhere, the dolphin swims around to my left side and kisses me on my cheek.

    My first kiss by a dolphin!

    I’m frozen!   “Turn and kiss him” she says.  My eyes glance left first and I can see him right there!  I slowly turn my face to the left and kiss him on the mouth as instructed.  Oh wow!  That was the coolest thing that I’ve ever done!  At that moment, I forgot that my feet didn’t touch the ground and finally relaxed.

    Would I do it again?  Undoubtedly yes!!!

    I am so glad that I pushed myself through my fear and anxiety and did not give up.  I think I was more afraid of the deep waters than I was of the dolphin.

    So often in life, we give up when it matters most.  Running away from our fears instead of facing them head on and ultimately missing wonderful opportunities.

    Swimming with the dolphin was a reminder of the rewards of pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.  Kissing the dolphin on the mouth was something that I never imagined doing and, aside from watching my hubby and son ride the dolphin’s belly, the kiss but was the most thrilling part of my trip.

    If you get the opportunity to swim with a dolphin, I highly recommend that you give it a try; surprisingly you might like it.

  • Random act of kindness

    Nearly two weeks ago a Derecho storm wreaked havoc on South Jersey. While derecho uprooted trees, blew down poles and power lines, and left thousands of residents without electricity for a week or longer, me, my husband, and our nine year-old son were pool side in Cancun, Mexico.

    Pool side – Cancun, Mexico

    We learned of the devastating storm a few hours later from an unnerving text message from our daughter and phone calls from family members. Thankfully, my mom and our daughter were fine and the structure of our home remained intact.

    Unfortunately, many other residents’ homes and cars were damaged by falling trees and flying debris.

    From what I hear and read, the storm was not forecasted and took everyone by surprise.  So residents were ill prepared, helpless, and had to ride out the storm, cautiously listening to the destruction occur around their homes.

    My daughter sent us a video and a few pictures of the aftermath. The visuals were jaw-dropping. Clearly our yard was impacted by the storm.

    Damaged gazebo

    Although the gazebos, yard furniture and other items such as firewood, and light fixtures were tossed around the back yard, both hubby and I were more saddened by one of two cherry trees in the front yard that was uprooted.

    Up-rooted cherry tree

    It would be at least four (4) days before we returned home. The storm occurred during a hot and humid heat wave and since the power was out, the tree would die due to lack of water and root exposure.

    Sadly, we were resolved to the fact that our six-year old cherry tree would be dead when we arrive home. The tree would have to be replaced.

    Four days later we returned home.

    The ride home from the airport is quite eerie. Metal street signs bent in half electrical wires dangling from trees—ancient oversized oak and pine trees halved by lightning and completely uprooted—enormous size patches of grass uprooted by trees with the roots attached!

    I’m seeing the destruction in real-time yet I feel like I am in some sort of dream where I’m watching a breaking story on the morning news. Oh wow! We missed a big one!

    As we turn on our street and slowly approach our home, the rhythm of my heart increases; the pounding in my chest grows louder. I know that our house is structurally okay, but I’m concerned about possible landscape damage.

    When we built our home, the builder removed every tree in the front yard! Grr… We love trees in our yard so we had to start from scratch and plant new ones. Six years later, the landscape is complete and the trees are doing well.

    I glance up only to see the cherry tree looking upright exactly as it did before we left for our vacation. Its only addition is the two to three-foot wooden stake in the ground with the yellow string tied to a branch to stabilize and balance the tree.

    My face hurt from smiling so hard! OMG!! Who fixed the tree?!?!  Neither our immediate neighbors on each side of our house, my mom or daughter knew who fixed the tree. One day the tree was lying on the ground; the next day is standing straight up.

    Standing tall and all better!

    Finally after a week or so, the mystery was solved. A wonderful random act of kindness was bestowed upon us by our friend and neighbor BD!!

    During a conversation with BD, I mentioned the mystery. He casually and nonchalantly confessed to fixing the tree.

    He said that he’d looked at the twin trees; one upright, one uprooted and didn’t think that the downed tree would survive until we returned. Although he was sitting in his vehicle when he confessed, the feelings of gratitude and jubilation made me want to reach in his car and kiss him! Lol! I resisted the urge, but graciously thank him.  I cannot thank him enough for such a wonderful act of kindness. He saved our tree!! Yippeeee!!

    For  a few years now, I’ve gleefuly participated in random acts of kindness. You know, randomly surprising someone, especially a person you don’t know, by doing something kind for them.

    I enjoy doing goofy and random acts such as paying the toll for a few cars in line behind me,  anonymously paying for coffee for a stranger in line at Wawa, or doing some other small deed that will bring a smile to someone’s face.  It feels unusually strange to be on the receiving side of a RAOK.

    Fixing the tree was probably no big deal to him, but it made my day and then some! When was the last time you did a random act of kindness? The best part of it is that you are giving to the un-expectant person. You will catch people off guard and genuinely surprise them.

    If you are having a bad day, the act will boost your spirit and theirs.

    Go ahead and try it; it’s so much fun!

    To my tree saving neighbor, YOU’RE THE BEST!  Thanks again!!

  • A man with an “I can do it” attitude

    Bill whips his car off the ramp and enters into the school’s busy parking lot; he quickly pulls into a space. It is around 7:25 a.m. He exits his vehicle and nonchalantly walks to the employee entrance.

    Me: “Good Morning Bill”

    Bill: “Good Morning Mrs. Cain

    Me: “How are you?”

    Bill: His face brightens with a warm smile, “I’m good!”

    We enter the building and head toward the supervisor’s office to sign in on the daily sheets. After initialing next to our names on the sheets, we exchange well wishes for the day and move on in opposite directions.

    Why am I writing about seemingly ordinary exchanges between me and a colleague? Because Bill is anything but ordinary; he’s quite an incredible guy who just might stir you enough for you to reflect on your personal and/or professional life.

    Born at the Jersey Shore 39 years ago, Bill arrived in this world kicking and screaming like most newborns. However, Bill’s life has been extraordinary. He was born with two legs, two feet, but no arms. His birth defect is thought to be linked to Afrin Nasal Spray. Bill has one sister that is five years older. She was born without any birth defects.

    Immediately after giving birth, typically a mom seek reassurance from the doctor that her baby is okay and instinctively count fingers and toes to make sure that all other faculties are in order. Can you imagine the shock and disbelief his mother experienced? I can. My daughter was born with amniotic band syndrome. She has grown up to be a witty, beautiful, and confident young woman.

    Bill is a normal, self-sufficient adult living a productive life. In 1997, he earned a B.S. degree in Geology. He is now employed as a science teacher in the same urban high school where I work. Over the years, Bill taught himself how to swim, to ski, and to play soccer. He was also a pinch runner for a local baseball team. His passion for soccer lead him to coach soccer in his community for nearly 10 years and to work as assistant soccer coach for our high school soccer team.

    He did not use his physical challenges as an excuse to limit himself. I love it!

    Here I am with all of my limbs; know how to swim, but fear deep waters in the worst way. Every time I attempt to swim through the deep end of my pool, I freeze up and doggie paddle to the side and hold on to the ledge with one hand while I paddle through the deep end with the other hand. My heart races as if I ran 10 miles. I now realize how ridiculous my actions are. This summer when I swim in my pool and hesitate to swim through the deep end, I will think of Bill and push myself right through it.

    For a few years now, I watched Bill, drive into the parking lot, enter the building, sign in and simply go about his every day routine… which appears to be effortlessly. I often tell my children, that sometimes parents make being an adult seem to be easier than it really is. In Bill’s case, the situation is probably the same.

    His feet function as a substitute for his arms. He styles his hair, shaves; types, read, and can do just about everything that you or I can do. Prosthesis is something Bill never wanted. His parents tried to make him use them, but he resisted and does just fine without them. He says prosthesis are awkward and difficult to maneuver.

    For the longest time, I desperately want to get to know Bill and to hear his story. Finally, one day I found the courage to approach him and asked if we could talk—I told Bill about my blog and that I wanted to write about him. Graciously, he agreed.

    Anyway, each time I see Bill, I am amazed. I am enthused by his courage, his will, his energy, and most of all, his positive attitude. It is difficult to imagine the emotional, physical, psychological challenges that he’s gone through to progress to his current place in life.

    Seeing Bill daily and thinking about him helps me to maintain my appetite and eagerness to worker harder to carry out my personal and professional goals. It’s hard to explain, but seeing him makes me question myself.

    Am I being the best person that I can be? Am I pushing myself hard enough? In what area in my life do I lack confidence? How can I be better? Honestly, I never thought that someone whom I haven’t spent a great deal of time with, would affect me this way.

    Bill was blessed with two incredibly loving parents Smart parents who nurtured him and figured out the best way to raise him. They figured out how to help him to evolve into the man that he is today; a man with an “I can do it” attitude.

    Due to his physical challenges, he started his schooling at a special service pre-school. When it was time to start Kindergarten, his parents fought (with the help of an attorney) for his right to attend public school. Bill was the first disabled student in Atlantic County to gain admittance to a public school. The feat opened the doors for others.

    Because he was learning how to use his legs and feet to perform daily tasks, his parents required him to wear a helmet (for his own safety). Was he teased in school? “No more than the average kid.” Amazing right? It would have been easy for Bill to feel as though he was teased because of his physical condition, yet he did not. Attitude is everything!

    I was curious about how his students respond to him in the classroom … A supervisor commented, “You have the wow factor!” When students first walk into Bill’s classroom and see him, they are surprised and curious. However, once the school year settles in and they realize that he can hold his own and is the same as other teachers, they can move beyond the initial shock.

    I sincerely hope that his mere presence and optimism in the classroom is contagious and motivates students to try to to do their very best.

    What’s next for Bill? While continuing his career in education, his next goal is to obtain a Master’s degree in Special Education.

    The next time you feel as though you can’t do something, I urge you to think of Bill. As the saying goes, “Whether you think you can or not, you are right.”

    Bill’s advice to others,

    “If there’s something that you want, go for it. Try hard. You may not achieve your goal, but you can get as close to it as possible.”

    -BW

    I am grateful to Bill for sharing his story with me and for allowing me to share his story with you.

    Thank you Bill! Enjoy your summer break!