An eternal optimist, always wearing a smile. Must haves: sunshine, fitness (jogging, weight training, & CrossFit), reading, good food, writing, music, and fun with family and friends.
I am at the gym now watching my son in his boxing class. This post is by way of my smart phone, which is a first for me. Wow! I definitely need my glasses for this!
Boxing is a sport that I did not envision my son partaking. However, since mid fall, he’s been asking to Box, so I did what any good mom would do… Sign him up!
While I am not excited at the prospects of him taking blows to the face, the advantages and discipline that he will gain from the experience is worth the time.
Jab, jab, step. Jab, jab, step and so on. The routine is unlike any thing I imagined. Boxers begin their routine by jumping rope continuously for 15 minutes. You think that’s easy? Try it! I did and quickly discovered my heart beating faster than it does at the end of a 10 mile run.
After watching other boxers in the gym jump rope, I decided to invest in a new piece of workout equipment– a weighted jump rope! Lol! There’s this kid in here now skipping rope like he was born with the rope in his hand. Darn! I want to jump like him. I asked the trainer how long would it take me to jump like that. He said that it took him a couple of months. Hmm… All I know is that this is a great exercise to incorporate into my routine. “Always change-up your routine” is what my personal trainer told me, so that’s what I continue to do.
I also see a kid shadow boxing with two (2) pound weights. I think I will hold off on that one until later.
Anyway, if you aren’t working out yet, it’s time to get moving. Although our weather in Jersey has been very mild, it’s only February so there is plenty of time to get in shape for swimsuit season. Get up and get moving!
This post is in good spirits; no complaints here! I felt the need to share some of my random thoughts today.
Every single week I go about the business of being super mom. No, I’m not trying in any way shape or form trying to be super mom, nor do I even like the term. Apparently, it just comes off that way… or at least that’s what I suspect my family might be thinking. Shame on them! Maybe shame on me too! Lol!
Predictably, Friday nights are dedicated to laundry. Why? Because I don’t want to deal with dirty clothes, etc… on my days off. If I get it done by Friday bedtime (whatever time I collapse), then I’m set until the following week.
My family has the luxury, and that’s exactly what it is… a luxury of having nutritious, delectable, and balanced meals at least five to six days per week. And… it’s usually on the table by 5ish! No junk food! No prefab unidentifiable dish from a box, but real homemade meals. Did I mention that I work full-time outside of the home? Just checking—sometimes I have to remind my family of this, fact.
Careful planning enables me to get more, but not everything, done than time really permits. Sometimes I feel as though I really am squeezing blood from an onion. Rarely do we run out of necessities such as bread, cereal, etc… I am however, guilty of forgetting to pay the utility bills. You know, gas and electric. The big stuff that are difficult to live without. I am dead serious. As the official mail “sorter” if I don’t sort the mail, most of it it doesn’t get sorted, and if it doesn’t get sorted… well, you know the story. The utilities won’t get paid! It’s absolutely absurd. Embarrassing, but true. There have been a few occasions where I happened to stumble on a disconnection notice… not due to lack of funds… but lack of time! Yeah, I know I’m working on electronic bill pay for everything. I’m not quite comfortable with automatic and electronic deductions from my bank account, but I’m strongly considering the option.
Enough babbling!
Last Sunday, I decided to put ME first!
Normally, it’s the opposite. I ate first. No one in my home is interested in eating organic steel cut oats, with blueberries, flax-seed, wheat germ, and bee pollen, so I ate first and worked on breakfast later. I did everything that I wanted to do first. I happily and defiantly put everything that needed to be done off. I even completed a six-mile run through the neighborhood. I returned home at 5 p.m. The same time that dinner is usually on the table. I started dinner around 5:30 p.m. Everyone was chillin and lying around like they didn’t have a care in the world, so I just took my sweet old-time. Dinner ended up being served a little after 7 p.m. and while no one complained, they got to the table quicker than usual! I like!
“Mom, you need 25/8,” were my daughter’s comments to me last night. Referencing to Mary J. Blige’s new song, she recognizes that I’m a busy working mom. Sidebar: not much of an offer to ease the burden, but if you’re living with a young adult, you know exactly what I’m talking about. (Chuckle)
While Mary needs 25/8 to love her man, I need 25/8 to handle my business.
Since I can’t get 25/8, I’ll simply fine-tune my priorities again.
On Sunday, putting me first and getting through my task list, including working out prevented self –inflicted anxiety and resentment. Why self-inflicted? Because I set goals for myself and when I don’t accomplish those goals, I tend to get frustrated. I don’t think anyone in the household consciously cares, they just subconsciously reap the benefits. No judgement; just an oberservation.
To make things easier at home, the past umpteen years, I’ve made major changes to my home/family routine. Still- old habits die-hard! Part of my problem, oops! I mean “challenge” (I prefer to view so-called problems as challenges) is that I am a perfectionist. I strive for it; I don’t try to be it. I just want things done right not half-ass.
Delegating is an option, but I still want it done right. Is that so bad? Who defines what right is? Me? Hmm… is that part of the issue? Just thinking on paper…..
Now then, soon, I will be checking into a plush hotel for a “me” day and I’m going to do whatever I want to do; most likely nothing other than read or write. In error, I told my hubby my plan, he said, “we” should do that. “We?” Who said anything about “we?” This isn’t a “I’m going to entertain you day!” It’s an “I’m going to entertain myself day.” OMG! Literally ROTFL! (Rolling on the floor laughing) Is that hilarious or what? Of course I love my hubby and enjoy time with him, but sometimes we girls need time alone. Since my home is always occupied, I will find a vacancy elsewhere. The change in scenery will be good, much-needed, and will perfectly recharge my battery. Oh boy! I can’t wait! Lol!
In high school, my addiction to running started and continued to intensify as I grew older. Thirty some years later, I haven’t shaken the addiction, but I’ve found that the emotional high that I get from running helps in other areas of my life. Running relieves stress in a positive way. Running instantly clears my mind and always helps me to find solutions to many quandaries and other things on mind. Thankfully, running keeps me fit.
When my daughter was as young as ten or maybe younger, she gingerly rode her bike alongside me as I ran. How far? Five miles. You might think that’s far, but she completed the ride with ease. Like me, her body grew conditioned to the ride. The ride served two purposes: 1. Instead of sitting in front of the T.V., she was outside exercising taking in lots of fresh air. 2. Most importantly, we enjoyed quality time together. Due to work and school, quality time was a rarity, so the five-mile ride/run gave us that time.
As she grew older, she took on swimming and decided that running wasn’t her thing. I was cool with that because I’m not big on pushing my kids into an activity where they show no interest. Hubby and I always let our children decide which activities they wish to take part in. Our nine-year old wants to box now, so… we’re looking for a boxing class. Is that my first choice, NO! But, that’s what he wants to do so, we’ll roll with it. Where did he get boxing from? I have no idea.
Although my daughter is older (22), we still experience peaks and valleys in our relationship. That’s normal and typical. I’m convinced that moms and daughters have this chip special chip in our DNA. Lol! The chips aren’t always in sync. When they are in sync, everything is dreamy and fabulous. But when those chips malfunction, all hell breaks loose! Lately the chip has been in the malfunction mode, but I have faith that the chips will soon re-sync.
For the first time, at least that I can remember, we actually ran together. We both planned an outdoor run, but were initially unaware of the others plan. When I realized that her plan was to run outside, I invited her to run with me.
Bundled up for a run – January 2012
The air was cool, about 36 degrees and there was a moderate breeze blowing. We adjusted our iTunes play lists and I set my MapMyRun application on my phone. Geez! Years ago, I’d have no clue about how technology would impact my daily jogging routine.
As we set out, step-by-step for our run, we unknowingly left our differences behind. We shared a common goal of enjoying the afternoon sun, opening our lungs to the crisp fresh winter air, and finishing the run with a set distance in mind.
Having a lengthy relationship with running, my body is typically ready to kick into gear. The endorphins set in and I want to eagerly glide with the wind. Only a conditioned runner can tell you about the days when you feel like you could literally run for hours. Remember earlier that I said that running is an addiction! Hehe! However, my daughter being a novice runner worked to find her rhythm and successfully ploughed forward.
Periodically I checked to make sure that she was with me and was proud of her for not giving up. I know that she wanted to, but she pushed herself. Out there on the street, I forgot all about our recent challenges, differences of opinions, and the like.
It wasn’t until later that I realized something.
While running, I did not allow the gap between us to become too big! Bingo! Monitor our relationship the same way and minimize the gap as much as possible.
Of course, the day-to-day activity in monitoring and bridging the gap is often more challenging, but in reality, I need to apply the same principles that I do when I run 13 miles– Take one step at a time. Translation: One day at a time, one hour at a time, and one minute at a time. I’m committed.
“…among his many accomplishments… made the Dean’s List in college every year… graduated Suma Cum Laude… a Master’s Degree in Business Administration… served as graduate assistant for the MBA Program…”
The description signifies success and a promising future. Sadly the words are taken from the obituary from a young man who was gunned down on New Year’s Day 2012. He would not live to see his 31st birthday. I did not know the young man, but my heart aches for his surviving family members, especially his mother and father. I cannot even begin to imagine the grief and sorrow felt by his parents.
Parents are not supposed to bury their children, but this daunting task is reoccurring more often than not.
When the story broke New Year’s Day, I cringed. I thought,
“He made it through his teen years. He made it through college. He was smart. He graduated with honors. What happened? How do I prevent my son from falling victim to these heinous crimes?”
In my mind, he’d made it! He made it through the “high risk” and “troubled” teen years. The local newspaper also reported that he was an Entrepreneur and was planning the opening of a new store. Could his death been prevented? I don’t know the circumstances. I only hope and pray that his death does not go in vain and hope that somehow something positive can evolve from his death.
This story makes me want to hold my kids tighter, tell them that I love them even more, kiss them more every day and never let them out of my sight. I know the latter is impossible, but the words sum up my feelings.
This story and others like this frighten me. Why? I have a young son. He’s a minority and the statistics don’t look good. However, I do know that through faith in God, prayer, good parenting, a structured environment, support from my village, a solid education, steady discipline, and lessons on how to make smart choices, can help to put him in the position to succeed.
So, you might ask, “What’s the point of this post?” The death of this young man is a reminder that tomorrow isn’t promised to any of us. And when it comes to our children, we have to clinch and act on the concept of unconditional love. The early and late teen years are tough; both for parents and for our children. In spite of disappointments, upsets, and whatever else we may face, we have to continue to support and encourage.
As parents, we must remember our own missteps and shortfalls and understand that our children will too encounter their own mistakes. We can only hope and pray that their mistakes are not life altering. Meanwhile, we should remain supportive, encouraging, and continue to practice unconditional love.
Nearly a year and half ago, my natural hair journey began. As life goes, the plan to go natural was unexpected and was not part of my immediate plan. I was in the company of a natural beauty and could not keep my eyes off of her lovely locks. They were gorgeous and flowed unlike any I’d seen before. I asked the name of her stylist and she graciously shared.
Not long after, I sat eagerly for a natural hair consultation with Rashida aka ShidaNatural at Kinhairitage Salon. Never before had any stylist take one hour and forty-five minutes to discuss my personal hair regime. During my session with Rashida, I learned more about hair care than I’ve learned in my lifetime. Cool! Up to this point and before going natural, I was ignorant to the world of natural hair.
When I saw a woman sporting natural hair, I had no idea that their decision to go natural was just as conscious as my decision to use chemicals on my hair. I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true. I wasn’t totally naïve and understood that the choice to wear dreads (dreadlocks) is a conscious decision. But I’m just talking about the typical (if there is such), afro, twists and what I perceived to be textured styles.
Since I started this journey I’ve learned so much and would like to share 10 lessons that I’ve learned.
1. I learned to appreciate the natural beauty in everything, not just hair. While shopping during the holiday season, I observed a handsome elderly man, who had to be at least 80. I took note of his skin–flawless, smooth, with a rich chocolate tone. I longed for my camera to photograph him. His face wore wrinkles, but I saw beauty in them. Immediate below his aging brown eyes were a thick and even series of wrinkles. They reminded me of the ripples in a body of water that flows after it is disturbed by a small stone. “Awesome!” I thought. I really wanted to take his picture. Later I’m going to invest in a better camera and I am going to take it every place I go.
2. Transitioning from chemically treated hair is a journey! The process is called a journey for a reason. Imagine yourself taking a long road trip across the country. You would use a map for the journey; however, you experience many uncertainties along the way. Wrong turns, flat tires, over heated engines, and a sudden desire to turn back. Duh Tanya! That’s why it’s called a journey. I‘ve experienced all of those and then some. At the end of a journey, to which I have not yet arrived, you would probably experience a rewarding feeling of accomplishment. Pictures, videos, and long-lasting memories capture the journey. The lessons will last a lifetime. So will the memories of my journey.
3. Appreciate the unpredictability of natural hair and the unpredictability in life. My hair has a mind of its own. I can twist it the same every night, yet in the morning, the curls move in whatever direction they decide to go. I am a planner and appreciate an organized and chaos free life. However, in life, we cannot predict or control everything, so I am learning to have fun with it. When I’m driving my car and a slow-moving car gets ahead of me, I now appreciate the fact that the car is there for a reason. Perhaps it is not meant for me to be further along down the road. Especially when I’m in a hurry… slow down. Like in meditation inhale, hold, and slowly exhale. The slow-moving vehicle in front of me could be saving my life. I get it!
4. I’ve learned to read labels; not just hair care products, but food labels, cleaning products, clothing that I buy, and more. Chemicals are not friendly to my hair. Neither are they any good for my body, my home, or the environment. I am eating cleaner than ever, but still have ways to go. Eating clean basically means avoiding processed foods. I’m working on purchasing chemical free house hold cleaning products, which is a challenge. Bleach is my go to for everything. I love its clean fresh scent and its ability to effectively disinfect. However, it’s so bad for the environment so I’m looking for an effective alternative. If you have suggestions, please share.
5. I’ve learned to give enormous thanks to my mom for the childhood lessons on gardening. At home, we grew collard greens, hot peppers, green peppers, corn, okra, tomatoes, green beans, cabbage, and a few other items. I enjoyed helping my mom prep the soil, plant the seeds, keep up the garden, pick the foods, cook it, and finally freeze it for later. I never thought 30 years later, I would be planning my garden. I’ve convinced hubby to trade-off a small section of his beautifully landscaped yard for a gardening space. I’m siked! I’d better make sure to growing something that he loves because he is serious about his plush, manicured, weed –free lawn.
6. I’ve learned that YouTube is useful for more than watching comical videos. I never imagined that I would be making products for my hair. Thank you Naptural85! This is huge surprise. Thanks to YouTube and a huge community of naturals who share their knowledge with viewers. I’ve learned to make products for my hair and ways to maintain healthy hair. It’s actually fun and my hair is thriving! I’ve also learned that there is virtually a YouTube video out there to show you how to do just about anything that you want to learn.
7. I’ve learned that there is a large community of Caucasian men who are very much attracted to sistas with natural hair. Contrary to inaccurate media reports, there is a population of Caucasian men who are fascinated, attracted to, and are turned on by women who wear their hair natural. They are not all attracted to fair skin, blond hair, and blue eyes. I am no longer amazed by the reactions, but I was initially surprised at the responses.
One day while in a hurry and buzzing through the grocery store, I almost ran over this tall, pepper haired and distinguished Italian “looking” male. Inches from his chest, I looked up and apologized prophetically. He greeted with me with a huge warm smile, and said, “Oh no, it’s truly my pleasure!” Lol! He was so damn smooth, I was actually a tad bit embarrassed. I’ve had a few of these experiences and I will argue that it is definitely my hair. Why? Because when my hair was permed, I rarely received the warm and suave greetings, intense stares, and comments that I receive now. Lol! It’s an observation… I’m just saying.
8. My journey of transitioning from chemically treated to natural has taken me from feeling incredibly confident to insecure and uncertain. I’ll explain. Before transitioning, I was comfortable with my desired hair style and never gave second thought to what others thought. At the start of my natural journey, I was very uncertain if my hair was “right,” and how other naturals viewed it. Sounds crazy right? I wondered if my hair was viewed as a specimen that needed intervention. Were other naturals laughing at me? Did they see what I was trying to accomplish, but felt that I was falling short? Those were my ridiculous, insecure, and unfounded fears.
I’ve received nothing but support from the natural hair community. I no longer have these fears and they should not have existed from the start. But I know that fear is a natural part of human behavior. I have and continue to receive compliments from all sorts of folks. What surprised me most? Women have asked me for advice! I am NOT an expert. I just work hard to learn how to work with my God-given grade of hair and to find a regime that is working for me.
9. I’ve learned to appreciate my natural hair and to stop wondering and wishing why I didn’t inherit my dad’s hair. My hard-working dad was West Indian and Portuguese. His hair was fine and straight. He could not have worn an afro if his life depended on it.
As a little girl, I would sit on his lap and gently rub my hands over his head, enjoying the feel of his soft, smooth hair. He seemed to enjoy it as well. I admired the fineness and lack of frizz without the use of any products. I wondered daily, why I needed heat and grease to lay my hair down and he didn’t. At that time, I believed that he had “good hair.” When I met his mother, I wondered even more, what the heck happened to my hair? His genetics are strong; both my brother, my nephew, and I inherited every other physical characteristic of his, except for his hair. We got his physique, his lanky arms, thin legs, and even his veiny long skinny toes—in a headless line up, you know we are family. But not his hair—I’m over it.
10. Finally I’ve learned to appreciate my natural unaltered God-given hair. I realize that my hair is healthier without the chemical. Some hair textures can withstand the chemical process, but mine cannot. For years, I allowed my hair to be permed. After a fresh perm, I committed to a bi-weekly wash, condition, and blow out or a wrap. Slowly but surely, I’d slack off resulting in the predictable breakage.
I now understand that perms are not for everyone. I also under that natural is not for everyone. To each its own and just because I’ve transitioned, I don’t expect or persuade others to do so. If you ask me about or tell me that you’re thinking about going natural, I will share what I know, but I won’t tell you that you NEED to do it. Nor do I judge anyone who chose chemicals. I admire all healthy and well-groomed hair.
Natural at the age of 612/2010 Six months new growth (still have texturizer on the ends)10/2011 All natural – no more texturizer6/2008 I wore my hair short like this for 10 years. A Barber cut it & I texturized it at home.Thanksgiving 2011 – Me & hubby
Yogurt. Shrimp. Lobster. Salmon. Asparagus. Kidney beans. Broccoli rabe. Soy milk. Skim milk. Oatmeal without milk or sugar. Brussels sprouts. Sea bass. Pomegranate. Garbanzo beans. Tomato juice, and a few other items.
These foods have at least one thing in common. And that is, before the age 30 or 35, I didn’t eat any of them. As I was fixing one of my new favorite snacks, non-fat Greek yogurt with honey, walnuts, and blackberries or strawberries, I thought about how far I’ve come and laughed.
Before I started eating yogurt I watched others, with envy enjoy it. This may sound crazy but because it is such a healthy snack, I insisted on learning to eat it, but continued to gag at the slightest scent of the cool and creamy treat. Through diligence and help from a few great friends; I got past the gagging stage and now enjoy indulging in the snack.
I say all of this to encourage you to try something new in 2012 and for the rest of your life. Anything! Just something that you haven’t eaten, read, visited or experienced before… within reason! Skip the illegal and immoral stuff.
Enroll in a class at your local college, learn a new hobby, try a new exercise, travel to a new city, just do something out of the ordinary for YOU. Go it alone without the security blanket of a friend or family member to encourage you along. Push and encourage yourself. Allow the energy to emerge from within you. Experiencing a new adventure solo will keep you focused on your personal experience and will further empower you, as well as, give rise to your personal satisfaction.
“If you do what you always did, you get what you always got” – Unknown
I’ve latched on to this quote because it is a cue to periodically switch things up. The wording of the quote may not be exact, but the meaning is the same. If you are looking for new results, try something different!
To grow we have to experience new, different, or change. To evolve, we have to step outside of our comfort zone to the unknown. It is that unknown that can unveil a gigantic and exciting new world.
In 2011, I took a Rags Sharqi (belly dancing) class and had a blast! I didn’t know anyone in the class, but met a few hip funky divas old enough to be my mom. They were cool and encouraging and probably a little surprised that this black chick didn’t have the “natural” moves needed to make the bells on my skirt sing like theirs. When my schedule permits, I will return.
My natural hair journey has also opened up a new world to me. I’ve learned about and now respect the importance of Fair Trade. I’ve made new friends and have learned to educate myself on the products that I consume and use daily. Most importantly, I’ve discovered new things about myself and sometimes feel as though, I’ve begun to shed a layer of transparent skin that desensitized my life experiences.
This year, I will set out again to wet my appetite with more newness– Newness in terms of discovering new foods, new places, new events, new talents and whatever out there awaits me. As I sit here and type this, I’m pondering the idea of adding a “Newness” page or category to my blog. I’ll mull over the idea for a bit and either it will appear or it won’t. Lol! I really am… Either case, I will positively share my new experiences in ’12. Good luck!
Health & Wellness by Lexa's Journal 