Health & Wellness by Lexa's Journal

My mission in life is to not merely survive, but to thrive: and do so with passion, compassion, humor, and style. – Maya Angelou

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An eternal optimist, always wearing a smile. Must haves: sunshine, fitness (jogging, weight training, & CrossFit), reading, good food, writing, music, and fun with family and friends.

  • My son’s first girlfriend

    Below is part of a conversation that took place between me and my son about his girlfriend.

    My son: “I asked her if she would have me as her boyfriend”

    Me: “What did she say?”

    My son: “She said yes and asked me if I would have her as my girlfriend and I said yes.”

    Me: “So how long have you guys been dating?”

    My son: “We’re not dating! We are boyfriend and girlfriend!”

    Me: “What do you like about her?”

    My son: “Her personality.”

    My son: “Everyone thinks that we shouldn’t be dating!!”

    Me: “Why?”

    My son: “Because she’s in fourth grade and I’m in third. They (his classmates) said that she should have a boyfriend in the fourth grade.”

    My son: “Mom, can we have a play date on Saturday?”

    Me: Stunned!

    Me: “We won’t be doing a play date, but you must introduce me to her.”

    My son: “Okay mom. If she’s at school when you pick me up tomorrow, I’ll introduce you.”

    Uh, yeah! This is a real conversation that I had with my nine-year old earlier this week. Hubby drives him to school and I pick him up after school. When he’s not in a talkative mood, the ride home is quiet and I must work hard at getting feedback from him about his day at school. Other times, like today, he’s chatty and hardly stops talking to take a deep breath.

    Curiosity led me to ask, “What does it mean to have a girlfriend? He said, “It means I really like her.” Therefore, in the mind of my nine-year old, “really liking” someone is cause for the establishment of a serious relationship.

    On the surface, the statement might sound reasonable. However, the reality is that to like someone you must spend a great deal of time getting to know them. I’m not talking about a physical attraction or chemistry, but instead the formidable journey of getting to know and then learning to love that special someone, including all of their idiosyncrasies.

    Anyway, I can see that I have my work set out for me with my son and the girl thing. He’s definitely a “looker” and pays attention to a girl’s hair, clothing, and even how they smell. He certainly caught me off guard. My 22-year-old showed no interest in a boyfriend until her late teens.

    As with our oldest, we monitor T.V . shows and movies that he watches. Still, he’s overexposed like the rest of our kids. The fact of the matter is that we cannot keep our kids under a rock and shelter them from the real world. The real world is in their face with a vengeance every day.

    As parents we must talk, talk, and talk some more. Talk to the kids about EVERYTHING, nothing is off-limits. Answer questions truthfully without using made up or silly words.

    My son’s declaration of his first official “girlfriend” is confirmation that he’s ready for our conversation to take on greater depth and meaning. I can’t wait for him to introduce me to his girlfriend! The introduction is a perfect Segway for what will prove to be an intriguing conversation. I’ll keep you posted.

  • Thankful for a new workout routine!

    Thankful for a new workout routine!.

  • Thankful for a new workout routine!

    For three steady weeks now, at least my upper or lower body has ached in a way that is unfamiliar to me. I consider myself to be a lifelong athlete and a fitness junkie. A daily jog for me is no less than eight (8) miles, and sometimes I feel guilty about that. I know- I am often told that I have issues and I’m in agreement. Self-awareness is good for the spirit. Denial is what’s harmful.

    If you’ve read previous posts, you are aware that in June of this year, I was diagnosed with a severe case of runner’s nightmare aka plantar fasciitis. July and August is when I run at least six days per week. I’m not working and have the time to run longer distances without time constraints. So going an entire summer without running was more painful than the plantar fasciitis! Seriously!

    Doctor prescribed steroids, the lack of exercise, and an increased intake of bud lime lights while floating in the pool (believe me the “light” didn’t make a difference), gave me a dose of reality!

    By September my body responded by saying,

    “So you think you’re all that? You’re over the 40 hump and your metabolism has slowed down dummy! Yeah, yeah, yeah, before you couldn’t gain a pound! Ha! Ha! The jokes on you! You just gained nearly 20 pounds.”

    Reality set in when I returned to work and attempted to wear my professional attire. Yikes! Over a dozen pair of slacks and skirts came to a screeching halt just at the thighs! No amount of persuasion or work could get my pants or skirts to move beyond my hips. I was not a happy camper. Pure frustration!

    Missing the Atlantic City Marathon in October and the weight gain was the wake up call that I needed! Although my body is conditioned and I kick out 13 miles with ease, I really need to evaluate my fitness routine. All running and nothing else is a recipe for a disaster. I badly needed strength training and more diversity to my program.

    Speaking of recipes… I’m pretty good about eating a balanced meal; however, my diet needed revamping too. Below are pictures of some of my new daily treats.

    Spinach, can tuna (in water), dried cranberries, cherry tomatoes, fresh black pepper, crushed red peppers, and lime juice
    Sample morning snack: fresh spinach, a turkey chop, & a chopped orange bell pepper. Yummy!Spinach, can tuna (in water), cherry tomatoes, dried cranberries, lime juice with fresh ground pepper & crushed red peppers

    About a month ago I decided to give myself an overhaul. I joined a gym and I’m now working out with Lisa, an excellent personal trainer. She is the perfect match for me. Lisa is fit and sets a good example of total body and mind fitness. While she has pushed me beyond what I thought were my limits and it’s only been three weeks, I am feeling stronger and better with each workout.

    Lisa and I talked about my fitness goals and my daily diet. Immediately she saw nutritional deficiencies. She recommended, Eat Clean by Tosca Reno. I like this book. No, I LOVE the book. It is exactly what I need right now. The book compliments my attitude and committment toward food and proper nutrition. Eat Clean really clicks for me and connects new information with what I already know about good nutrition. The book is educational and is not a diet book. Dieting has never been my thing. It is about eating healthy for life, which works for me.

    Since I’ve made some changes in diet and starting hitting the weights, I’ve noticed at least three positive changes:

    1. I am drinking less coffee. Not because the book says, so but because I’m eating a high protein & complex carbohydrate breakfast at 5:30 a.m. The nutritious breakfast is providing a natural source of fuel so my body is not craving the caffeine like before

    2. The midafternoon desire for a siesta has completely disappeared. Driving to pick my son up from school, I feel more alert than ever.

    3. Even without a six or seven-day intense workout, I lost three pounds. Amazing!

    I am a believer that a positive change or effect can always evolve from a negative situation; the outcome depends on each individual. In my case, it took a foot injury (negative) to force me to change my fitness routine (positive) and a better nutrition plan (positive). I already knew that my fitness program was due for a change and lacked strength training, but I kept putting it off. Ultimately a higher power saw fit that the change take place. I am thankful that I embraced the change.

    If you have thoughts about working out, losing weight, or just eating better, I highly recommend the book.  For some the book will require or inspire you to give up a lot of unhealthy foods that you eat daily.  And for others, the book will enhance what you’re already doing.  Either case, it’s practical and worth the read.

  • My family’s new Thanksgiving tradition

    Yesterday’s Thanksgiving dinner was amazing! It wasn’t the dinner and the deserts that made it special. It was the genuine warmth and love shared among 30+ family and friends in our home which made it exceptional.

    Dinner included: Oven baked turkey, deep-fried turkey, stuffing, ham, chicken, salmon, seafood pasta salad, spinach salad, plain baked mac & cheese, baked lobster mac & cheese, yams, baked beans, collard greens, kale, cabbage, carrots, green beans, cabbage, corn muffins, and biscuits.

    Desserts included: red velvet cake, coconut cake, chocolate cake, pumpkin bread, sweet potato pies, several apple pies, pumpkin pies, lemon meringue pie, coconut macaroons, and a few other items that I can’t remember.

    Outrageous right? This is typical for my family and my memories go as far back as early childhood.

    Last week, while preparing for festivities of Thanksgiving, I began thinking about how blessed we are (my family). We’ve never experienced wondering if Thanksgiving dinner would take place. With 12 aunts & uncles, and a surplus of cousins, who I’m still getting to know, our blessings are endless.

    As I marveled at my blessings, an intense sensation and desire compelled me to seek out an activity that we could do to pause and to give thanks.

    So as family and friends arrived, each was given a paper that included a brief statement about Thanksgiving and instructions to respond to the questions below.  All were asked not to sign their name.

    What are you thankful for?

    Who are you thankful for?

    Everyone was instructed to fold the paper and place it in a designated container and were told that the responses would be read later. Since there are usually many of us, for dinner we are scattered throughout the house. The elders sit at the dining room table, the kids at another designated spot, and the rest of us group together and sit wherever. So before dinner we form a huge circle around the kitchen island, hold hands, and say grace.

    I decided that right before we blessed the food was an ideal time to read the comments. I started first by making a brief declaration about why I wanted to perform the ritual and asked all to take part. We each took a paper and read the responses to the two questions.

    For me, the moment was heartfelt, surprising, and encouraging. I felt gratified to look around the room and see almost everyone reflecting on the comments and the moment.

    My day was highlighted by my friend of 37 years who joined us with her two children for dinner. We’ve been friends since we were 9 years old. Those kind of friends are very hard to come by anymore. Soon she’ll be moving out-of-state and I don’t know when we’ll get together again, so it was important to me that we got to spend some time together.

    The second highlight was meeting a new family member for the first time. For privacy reasons, I’ll call her Delia. She joined us along with her husband for dinner. Later in the evening, Deli shared her intimate story with me of how she connected with her paternal father, whom she did not know existed.

    Delia was a breath of fresh air! She radiated an abundance of CHI that I wanted to feed off. Although Delia could easily have allowed anger and resentment to invade her spirit, she made a conscious decision to embrace the positive and to become acquainted with her new family.

    The last person left the house at around 12:30 a.m. Me, hubby, and our daughter finished cleaning up and headed to bed. Although I was exhausted from the long day, I went to sleep smiling as I thought about my awesome Thanksgiving Day.

  • Saturday kitchen marathons

    This was my third consecutive kitchen marathon Saturday. I nicked named it that because, with the exception of attending my son’s Pee Wee football games Saturday afternoons, I’m in the kitchen cooking dinner all day Saturday for the upcoming week.

    Saturday I cooked black beans with smoked turkey in the crock pot. The beans soaked Friday night and after parboiling the smoked turkey legs with fresh garlic, and a few other seasonings, I removed the skin and bones, and tossed the turkey in the crock pot with the black beans, onions and other spices. I’d be lost without my crock pot.

    I enjoy fresh vegetables, so I took two large heads of cabbage and shredded them. Then I sliced three large Vidalia onions. Instead of sautéing them stove top, like I usually do, I put them in a large tin baking pan. I seasoned them with Lawry’s all season salt, olive oil, black pepper, and a little of the juice from the smoked turkey legs and tossed them in the oven. Yep! In the oven. Thanks for oven tip Butch! I cooked them in the oven on 350 degrees for about an hour or so. Cooking them in the oven was so much easier and relieved me of standing over the stove and having to wash another pot.

    I also slaved over five pounds of homemade mashed potatoes. Hubby was leisurely walking around the house, so I put him on potato duty and had him peel the potatoes. He didn’t look thrilled about his contribution to dinner, but he didn’t complain and very nicely peeled them.

    On to the turkey loaf– A couple of pounds of ground, freshly diced garlic, red, yellow, and orange peppers, whole wheat bread crumbs, crushed red peppers, a few other spices and a new special ingredient that a friend gave me that made the work all the worthwhile. The sauce is a Pineapple, Coconut, Mango, Tequila Sauce and is unbelievably smack your momma good! It’s all natural and gluten-free (makes up for the smoked turkey legs). I mixed the sauce in with the loaf and poured a little on the top. I covered the loaf and tossed it in the oven. OMG! My loaf had a completely new flavor that delighted my taste buds!

    Tomorrow I’ll make a couple of cups of brown rice in the rice cooker, and we’re pretty much set for the week.

    Are we eating left overs? Yes! Am I tired from all the cooking? Yes!!! The good news is that I don’t have to cook again until next weekend. I might steam some fresh vegetables later in the week, but that’s a quickie. So while I despise spending so much time in the kitchen on Saturday, I am not stressed during the week by simultaneously trying to cook dinner, walk the dog, help my son with his homework, and getting him to football practice on time.

    All that cooking yesterday freed me up today to do two things that I haven’t done in a while.  Take a nap and update my blog. Yeah, finally!  Both felt good.

    Forrest Gump was right, “life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get!” Just when I had my old routine down pat, our son started a new school, so I’ve had to figure out a new system.

  • …till death do us part, is work

    “I do!” “I will!” The promise is to love, to honor, I skipped the obey… till death do us part….  an exclusive proclamation of love, for life. Each time I witness a sacramental event, I wonder if the bride and groom have actually fathom the depth of their marital vows. For the couples who do understand, they are most likely more mature and have taken the time to get to know each other and take the commitment seriously. For the couples who don’t get it. Well, they’re in for a rude awakening.

    Oh wow, talk about irony! As I’m writing this post, the Today Show is doing a “5-Minute Marriage Make-Over” segment.

    Not taking for granted 23 years of marital bliss, I know that our marriage has been showered with blessings. That said a recent chat with “Robin” (not her real name), a fellow wife and working mom sparked this post.

    Like me Robin and I often hear comments such as, “you’re lucky, you have a good husband!” “You’re lucky, your man works!” “You’re lucky, blah, blah, and blah.” We both agree that luck has little to do with it and that marriage is more about work.

    Long lasting, healthy, and stable relationships don’t come by way of luck. They arrive through endless minutes, days, weeks, months, and years of commitment and a good dose of divine intervention.

    At 23 years old and after five years of dating, my hubby and I tied the knot. We didn’t have a clue about our marital endeavor. Although he was two years my senior, like me, he was in the dark, but we shared a love and a passion for the other.

    Looking back on our 28 year relationship, I can honestly say that they have been happy years. Were they perfect? Absolutely not! Trials, tribulations, prayers, laughter, tears, hand-in-hand, we plowed forward. We consciously grew together and are blessed to share basic core values. Those core values opened the doors to maturity and growth.

    We have and continue to discover new things about each other and about our relationship. Both are consistently evolving; if the evolution stops, I will be concerned. Anyway, my conversation with Robin got me to thinking about what has worked for my marriage.

    1. Communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate….. Before we married we talked about everything; religious beliefs, public school vs. private school, family size that we’d like to someday have and more. What person can really read minds? Hello, no one!! If hubby doesn’t explain what’s on his mind that leaves me to use my creative imagination– sometimes dangerous. One thought leads to another and another. Then I could “act” on what I “think” he’s thinking leading to disastrous results.

    2. Give & Take. You can’t “win” all the time. Know when to walk respectfully away from a discussion, disagreement, or argument. “Winning” doesn’t accomplish anything, other than an ego boost and hurt feelings. Relationship preservation is more important than winning an argument.

    3. Be realistic about your spouse. See the person for who they are. If the person is a slob, they’re a slob!  Do what you can to work with the behavior to bring yourself sanity. Stop thinking that you can change him/her or that they will change. The only person you can change is yourself, and that’s conditional, providing that you recognize the need for change and commit to making the change.

    4. Look in the mirror at yourself and be honest with what you see. I recognized very early that I was a hot head, a fire-ball, and like gasoline, was quite explosive. My easily fused temper was not healthy for our relationship. Early on and after a few outrageous incidents on my part, I realized that I was capable of destroying our relationship. On the flip side, hubby realized that he had a nut case on his hands and often walked away. The balance and contrast in our attitudes and personalities enabled us to work through it.

    5. Know your emotional triggers. Take time to figure yourself out. Journaling is a great tool to do this. I’ve been journaling for over 15 years and it has and continues to be a positive way for me to sort through life’s challenges. When I’ve gone back and read entries, I am thankful that I wrote my feelings on paper and not said what I was feeling; my thoughts were rather twisted. I can laugh now.

    6. Be nice and be a good friend. Hubby is friend first, hubby second. Our relationship evolved from a valued friendship so I try to keep friendship first.

    7. Avoid manipulation and playing mind games. Thankfully, this has never been our style. If I don’t like something that he’s said or did, I tell him and expect him to do the same.

    8. Settle disagreements in private out of the eye of the public, including family and friends, and our children.

    9. Respect that men and women ARE from different planets. I don’t like to generalize, but this is true. There are at least two perspectives on everything: male & female. We think differently; don’t expect him to think like you and don’t try to think like him. It’s unnatural to do so; I just try to work with what I’m given.

    10. Give credit even when it’s not do. Lol! I’m dead serious! It’s an ego thing and works well.

    11. Don’t do anything stupid in the absence of your significant other. Translations? Before you decide to sneak around and creep on your partner, think about how they would feel when not if they found out. The truth ALWAYS prevails. If this doesn’t motivate you to do the right thing, then YOU don’t care about that person and should not be married.

    12. Don’t seek or take advice from everyone you talk to. Not everyone has your best interest at heart. Misery loves company.

    All I’m saying is that some things seem to be easier and simpler than they are. Have you ever watched someone do something and then you tried it, only to discover that it’s much harder than it looks? Well, marriage is one of those things.

    I am not naïve. Some couples weren’t meant to be a couple; therefore, some marriages weren’t mean to be and should be dissolved. I also know that couples grow apart. A big part of the challenge is trying to figure out how to grow together and stay in sync.  It’s not easy.

    For the single folks reading, multiply all of your daily challenges time’s two adults then add kids into the mix. It’s work either way. By no means necessary am I complaining, I’m just trying to bring another perspective to the table. Marriage is work and just like most investments, if you do your work and stick it out, the dividends can be warding.

    Before my father died, my parents were married for over 20 years.  How many of those years were  happy,? I’m not certain. I do know that much of what I saw was dysfunctional. So long before I married, I promised myself that I would never be a part of a marriage like theirs. My parents will never understand the valuable lessons they taught me about relationships.

    It is often said that, it’s not where you come from, but it’s where you’re going that matters most. While my marriage isn’t perfect and I’m not delusional in thinking that everything is always going to be hunky-dory okay, I am in it for the long haul. You bet, he gets on my last damn nerve at times and I know that I can work his nerves, but that comes with the territory and we both accept that. I don’t know what the future holds for my marriage, but I stay positive and look forward to the best of times.

    I’ll leave you with this brief story. Some years ago, when our daughter was in her early teens, hubby and I were engaged in a serious discussion and/or debate. No shouting or arguing going on as she was in ear shot range. She dramatically and tearfully screamed, “Oh my gosh, I wish you guys would stop arguing!!” Hubby and I look at each other and I burst out laughing hysterically. I’m thinking, “OMG are you kidding me! You think this mess is an argument??” She thought our serious toned debate was an argument. Man, she was living a fairy tale life and had no idea what a real argument is like.

    Needless to say, I think we’ve done our job in setting an example for our daughter of a healthy and loving relationship. Thank God!

    More marriage stuff

    http://www.census.gov/hhes/socdemo/marriage/

    Click to access acs-13.pdf

    http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/44320803/ns/today-today_health/t/make-over-your-marriage-minutes/