Health & Wellness by Lexa's Journal

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Right now I can appreciate an invigorating yoga inhale and   exhale…    The holidays are over!!  While I thoroughly enjoy the traditions and festivities of the holiday season, I can honestly say that I’m glad that the season of hustle and bustle has ended.

The post holiday pace is refreshing.  Almost everything and everyone moves slower-   You know- like the instant replay shown in slow motion at the end of a nail biting horse race or football game?  Yeah; that feeling!

I am committed in 2011 to work diligently to stay present in each moment. There are so many instances when I’m physically engaged in one activity while mentally engaged in another.  I can think of moments when I’m in the shower with pulsating hot water gushing out of the body sprays on my pressure points.  And rather then really indulging in the moment, my mind is elsewhere.  That’s ridiculous!  I ought to be appreciating and luxuriating in the moment; instead I’m thinking about house cleaning, laundry, or some other trivial task.  I’ve walked the dog out back near the tree line in broad daylight, yet missed many of the colorful details of the trees. Someone could have been standing in the middle of the trees and I wouldn’t have even noticed them looking at me.  I’m not doing this anymore.

PITM….that’s my new motto.  Present in the moment.  I am going to keep reminding myself to stay present until the behavior becomes a new and positive habit for 2011!

Best wishes to you for a safe, happy, healthy and prosperous New Year!

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Parenting has to be the toughest job on the planet. Every time I get cocky and think I have this parenting role down pat, I’m thrown a curve ball. Geez!

How many times in frustration or anger have you told your kid that if they did, you fill in the blank, one more time, you were going to, you fill in the blank? If you’re like most parents, at least once in your life you’ve told your kid that you were going to do something that you know darn well you wouldn’t do. Yup! I’m guilty too.

I’ve learned to be more careful about those ridiculous outbursts because those words could come back and haunt me. For I know that if I don’t do what I said I was going to do, I’ve completely lost credibility with my child. And losing credibility with my child means nothing but trouble. Keeping that in mind, I thought I’d share a story with you.

My son is going through a typical but frustrating phase that some kids go through… it’s the unthinkable…. Stealing!!! There I said it. Why? Because you may have some advice for me or you may learn something from my experience.

He’s eight. About two months ago, this unfortunate phase started. The first offense was at a store. He was made to return the item, which he’d opened and we made him pay for it. We went through the typical parental lecture about doing the right thing, choice, consequences, and so forth. This was the first time and I firmly believe that his actions were impulsive.

The second offense, about one month later, was more deliberate and calculating. He took an item from his older sister and fibbed about it. Two days later, the truth came out. We talked about it and he was punished. AND… out of frustration, he was told that if “it” the stealing happened again, that I was going to take him to the police. Yes, I did!  Of course, I thought he learned his lesson (mistake), so I didn’t think too much about it.

Don’t you know it!! About four weeks later, little man did it again!!!! I picked him up from school and a teacher delivered the bad news. My words came back to haunt me with a vengeance. I knew what I had to do, but I really didn’t have the time nor did I want to make the time. I asked my son if he remembered what I told him that I would do if he stole again. Oh yes! He remembered! “The police station?” He was horrified and scared to death. As pissed off as I was, it was hard not to bust out laughing when I caught a glimpse of his terrified face in my rear view mirror.

His ride to the local police station must have felt like a death sentence. For a moment, I wondered if I was needlessly traumatizing my child. I pondered if the theft was a phase or would my darling baby grow up to be a felon. Who knows? Of course no one wants to think that their child will grow up to be a criminal. But the fact of the matter is that all the criminals walking the face of the earth belong to someone! Tanya, you’re doing the right thing, keep driving.

At the police station, I was greeted by a receptionist. “How can I help you?” Frustration and annoyance drove me to say, “Hi! This is my eight year old son. We have a problem, he’s a thief and he needs to see a police officer!” She tried to maintain her composer and left to get an officer.

A police officer and a detective lectured to my son about positive and negative choices and the consequences that come along with personal choices. So that he could understand and visualize the consequences of stealing and other illegal offenses, he was taken to the holding cell, all while I waited in the hallway. I know! It all sounds harsh, but it wasn’t a scene from scared straight. He needed this. Taking his privileges away at home, didn’t work, so a different approach was needed.

On the way home, we discussed his actions and what he learned from his visit to the police station. Later when his dad got home from work, we talked more about why he did what he did. A week and a half later he’s still on probation (at home) and is working hard to earn his favorite toys and our trust back.

Will he steal again? I don’t know. Hopefully he learned from the experience. Will others disagree with my actions? Yes. I just know that parenting is trial and error. What works for one child may not work for another child. Would I do it all over again? Absolutely! For me, it’s tough love and a constant reminder that in addition to holding my son accountable for his actions, that must also hold myself accountable for my actions and for my words. The school of parenting is amazing!  I will continue to enroll and give it my best!

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With less than ten shopping days until Christmas, I feel like I’ve steered off the road to the joyous and gleeful holiday season, to a roadside ditch. I feel like I might need a tow truck to get me back on the road.

I particularly enjoy the holidays because I am blessed to spend time with family and friends. You know, quality time without all of the routine rush and interruptions. During our holiday gatherings, we eat, play games, sit around chatting, eat some more, recall loved ones who are no longer with us, eat some more, and talk about whatever else comes to mind. I know, I said “eat” like three times, but that’s what we really do… eat. Over the years, we’ve had a ball with our enormous but fun gift exchange. I enjoy the tactic of trying to surprise each person on my list with a special and meaningful gift. It’s my way of saying thanks for being a part of my life.

So here I am with a few days left to shop and, with a few exceptions, I have yet to start!  Typically, I enjoy the last minute (a week before Christmas) shopping rush. The bargains are outrageous and send me into a tizzy! I usually do the, one for me, one for them shopping method. However, this season, every time I pick up a paper to look for bargains, I am drawn to read an article about layoffs or some other sad or heartbreaking economic news. Honestly, I’m filled with mixed emotions. Gratitude! For today I am blessed with good health, a healthy family, employment, a roof over my head, food on the table, and the ability to help others. Sadness! For those who are struggling in so many ways. I know. There have and will always be struggles. I just feel as though I’m seeing more of the struggles. Is it because I’m getting old(er)? Is it because I’m viewing the world differently? I keep asking myself what’s the deal? Is it because those being affected are closer to me? I don’t know- I just know what I see and what I feel. And yes. I know that I cannot help everyone; to try and do that would put my own well-being in jeopardy.

For this reason, I firmly believe that those who are in the position to help others should do so. Help doesn’t necessarily mean giving up money; time is just as valuable. You could offer to baby sit, pick up an item or two from the grocery store, donate clothes, read to a child or elder, serve food at a shelter, or whatever else you decide you can give. The idea is to just do something for someone other than you and- Continue to do so long after the holiday season have passed.

As a result of the economic madness and turmoil, I’ve done a little self-reflection. It’s been downright freakish and eye opening. What I have versus what I need versus what I want. Whoa!! I see some un-necessaries! I know- that may not be a real word, but I like the way it sounds. For most of us, we gain comfort from certain personal luxuries. We work hard and believe that we earned whatever pleasure we chose to indulge in. While our guilty pleasures vary from person to person, the feeling is of the same. Delight!

Anyway for 2011, I’ve committed to re-evaluate and simplify my life. No, I’m not going to be extreme and try to grow all of my herbs, vegetables, and other produce in my backyard. As much as I’d like to do that, it won’t work for me right now. I will be more practical with my time and my money. I have committed to evaluate what is really important to me and to my family. To give unused items, that sit boxed and collect dust to others in need and not to replace the “stuff” with new “stuff” that’s just going to collect more dust or require more storage space.

I was curious to know if there was any buzz going on in cyberspace about simplifying life or returning to a simpler lifestyle, so I searched “back-to-basics living,” on several search engines. I didn’t find any new or startling information. However, I did find a few blogs, websites, and books on the topics. Perhaps I am misinformed and just didn’t recognize that a larger part of the population is already living a simpler lifestyle; I don’t know for certain.

What I do know is that with the remaining days leading to the holiday, I need to spiritually reconnect and find a solid balance between enjoying the season and doing what I can to help someone in need. 
Happy Holidays!

>After six shadow at 8:30 in the morning.  Fly away chocolate curls.  Scrunched and wrinkled shirt appearing as if just removed from the bottom of a week old laundry basket. Tucked in neatly; disguised as a crisp, cleaned and freshly starched shirt. Familiar scent of old garbage that has lost its smell. Un-stylishly loose fitting navy khaki slacks made to fit.  Can’t see the foot gear. Simultaneous firm and weak handshake.  A wince- a grimace- pain.  Ouch!  That’s from punching a wall last night.  Good Morning!  A warm smile.  Later… rain…. Tears

This was the start of my workday today.  Sad, but true.  A full-fledged adult.  College educated by way of Penn State.  Homeless.  Crime victim.  Broken spirit.

This man is somebody’s son.  Just five years ago, the assumption could have been made that Rob (not his real name) suffered from alcohol or substance abuse or mental illness.  Today- tough economic times have to be considered as a part of the equation.  Job loss, lack of healthcare benefits, a breakdown of the family unit, and other issues contribute to this sad state of affairs.

As I listened to Rob describe his gloomy predicament and watched this grown man break down in front of me, a total stranger, my heart ached for him.  I don’t know his life story.  I only know what he shared with me.   Times are tough!  Who do you trust?  Whose story is real?  Is it a scam?  Is there more to his story?  Where’s his family?  Who knows for certain?  A colleague and a few others reached out to help Rob.  I can only hope and pray that he’s on a better path to stability in the near future.  I should see him again in the near future.

Those of us who are parents want the best for our children. We make sacrifices for them and take steps to carefully sculpt their future.  We plan for our children to succeed, not to fail.  I think it’s safe to say that Rob’s current situation wasn’t part of his parent’s vision for him.

What I know for sure is that none of us are 100% certain as to where we will be tomorrow, next week, next month, or next year. 

The spirit of the holiday season is in full effect.  In the mist of preparing for the holiday festivities with family and friends let’s remember to do something special for others who are less fortunate.  Whether you adopt a family, donate food or clothes, volunteer your time, or some other activity, your generosity will make someone’s day a little brighter.

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One week ago Sunday our family returned from an amazing vacation. Although we booked the trip a year ago, the timing could not have been better.  Our son just completed his second year of taxi football, the first marking period was nearly over, and he only missed three days of school.

This trip would be our son’s first airplane ride and his first cruise.  We kept it a secret from him, which made the weeks and days leading to the vacation very difficult for me.  The anticipation of his reaction pumped my heart like I was running on the treadmill. He’s full of energy, extremely animated, and like me he loves surprises!

He didn’t realize that we were boarding the plane until the final moment.  You wouldn’t have known that it was six in the morning.  “Mom! Dad!  I can’t believe we’re on an airplane!”  “We’re flying!”   Eyes popping and blinking erratically, he commented that it was too dark outside and that he couldn’t see the clouds.  The passengers around us couldn’t help but laugh and share in his enthusiasm.  

Both hubby and I couldn’t’ have been any happier! Every child and parent should experience moments like this; they’re priceless.

Three hours later, we approached the ship.  I think he stopped breathing when he saw the monstrous ship.  At each stopping point, our son chatted with the staff.  He had words for the cab driver, the skycap, immigration, and anyone else that make eye contact with him.

Hurricane Tomas forced a change to our itinerary.  We were supposed to go to Labadee, Haiti, Costa Maya, Mexico and Cozumel, Mexico.  Instead we still visited Costa Maya and Cozumel, but spent two days at sea and finally visited Nassau, Bahamas.

The changes didn’t adversely affect our trip.  Our son enjoyed snorkeling, made several new friends, participated in a talent show, marched in a Halloween parade and most importantly, had mom and dad all to himself.  No phones, no facebook, no computers, just mom and dad!  He enjoyed every minute and so did we! 

The trip was certainly about cultivation.   With no time constraints, homework, football practice or telephone distractions, I felt so much more at ease.  We laughed more during dinner, took in the beautiful sights and sounds of the Caribbean ocean and enjoyed the pleasantries of sleeping late every day. 

Our son has already told us that he’s ready for the next trip!  To make the next trip complete and to keep our family relationship flourishing and growing, we’re hoping that our daughter join us. 

The destination of our next trip isn’t as important as making the effort and taking the time to plan quality time with my family.   I can’t wait until the next trip!  Ideas anyone?

>There is no where enough time to say all that I want to say, but I’m pressed to post something on this page.  It’s been way too long and I don’t want anyone to think that I’ve abandoned the site.  No Way!

Since the last post, I’ve taken a wonderful Western Caribbean cruise with my husband and our son.  Thankfully we were not subjected to the horror of those who were recently stuck in Mexico on the Carnival ship.  Anyway our trip was amazing and to experience the trip through the eyes of an eight year old was fascinating!  Later I will post on the trip and say why parents should vacation with their kids.

Since the last post Alex has had several medical procedures and once again, genders have different perspectives about something.  Alex is “family” to me.  He is a “pet” to hubby.  What’s the difference?  I say that due to Alex medical procedures, he should receive lots of tender loving care.  Since he cannot get comfortable in his crate, I think he should be upstairs in our bedroom- he’s quite and is nearly housebroken. Hubby— well– Alex is a pet and he’s not 100% housebroken, so he belongs down stair….PERIOD!   Who was it that insisted on a dog?  Lol!  just looking back.

The holidays are quickly approaching and I have some thoughts about the subject– again… that’s to be discussed later.

To solve my inability to write when I feel the urge, I’m researching net books. I plan to live with mine.   If anyone reading this has a net book, I’d love to hear about what you like or dislike about yours.  Please share. 

It’s past my bedtime now, so I will chat with you again soon.